Lagos Island for Dummies: An UgoTalksAlot Guide to Life Lagos Island Ocean

The Island. The créme de la créme of Lagos. The title in all fairness should go to Banana Island in particular, but let’s be honest and objective with the goals we set in this life.

A lot of people live and swim work on the Island because a lot of businesses are situated there. Some people live there to be close to work or other necessities, others live there because JJC carried them there but like everywhere else, the Island has its pros and cons, so here’s what you need to know to make your life a little bit easier.

1. Bring Your GeePee Tank

Remember how I wrote  in a previous post, that there is is no water in Lagos and you need to bring your borehole? Well, this doesn’t apply to most places on the Island. There is plenty of water in Lekki and what you need is a Geepee tank to store all that water. The only issue is, the water doesn’t come from the tap, it comes from the sky and the ground. You may want to consider buying bowls and buckets for packing water from the floor. Also, it may be a wise financial investment to buy shares in the company that makes Dettol because it will be your best friend.

2. Buy a Boat

Does this man have two heads?

A boat is an investment really. If you can afford one, you should probably get it. With your boat, you can enter the ocean and row over to the mainland while your mates are growing old on third mainland bridge.

When everyone is destroying their cars, you can just roll out your boat and enjoy your life. Who needs to go on a cruise ship, when you can row your way across Lekki-Epe Expressway?

Jokes aside, let us take a moment to pray for our friends & family in Lekki and VGC. As the bible says, we should also enemies in state house that have refused to fix drainages. 

3. Bring your gutter.

So as you can see, gutters do not exist in on the Island. Especially in Lekki. They are a myth. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. If you want to go there, bring your own from the mainland. On second thought, mainland drainages get as dem be too sha. Maybe you can rent some from Ibadan or Osogbo to buy gutter and bring, theirs is not amazing but it’s much better. 

To be fair, even when the government attempts to create gutters, Nigerians in typical Nigerian fashion will turn it into a dustbin. 

4. Invest in insecticides.

Island mosquitoes are mosquitoes that have gone abroad to gym and they have come back. Yes, IJGB mosquitoes are an actual thing.  These mosquitoes have body, they are woke and they can suck all your blood at once. You won’t even see them coming, you will just start feeling your blood disappear from your body.

Because I like you, I will tell you what to do. Just buy one big Raid, one big Baygon and a medium-sized Mortein. When you have bought them all,  just use them all at once. Make sure you finish everything, then mosquitoes will die. Or at least I hope they will.

5. Your Bank Account Should Have Sense Small.

You want to live on the Island and you don’t have money? You think they share houses for free in VGC? Everything here has rent price on top. Even your house rent has another house rent added on top of it. Even if you buy a house or build your own property, the Island will still collect rent from you.

Think of it this way, rent is so comparatively expensive that everyone has to chip in to help. So if you walk into Ebeano Supermarket to buy something; there is the standard price, then there is VAT, then there is Lekki VAT, then there is rent. So at the end of the day, something that costs N1,000 elsewhere will go for N1,500 or N1,700.

There is also the small issue of the toll gate. That small money you will pay every day. At the end of the month, you would have paid someone’s minimum wage salary. With that one alone, you suppose know say Lagos Island no be for small pikin. Well except the pikin is an OBO (Omo Baba Olowo), rich man pikin.


If you know this lifestyle is not for your pocket right now, don’t worry we have you covered. You can check out our guide to Lagos and subscribe to get notifications about our upcoming city guides. You know, I care about you and I’m just trying to help your life.

Don’t forget to comment and share. You don’t know who’s life you are saving.


When It Rains, Cars Drown


Written By Adora Igunma

I attend the AVMCC Youth Church (CYF), an Anglican church in Ikeja and we have this prayer conference programme we do at the beginning of the year and I decided to attend the programme for the first time ever. The programme was for Saturday, 20th June by 2pm. Before then I told my bestie to come pick me up from where I stay in Sabo-Yaba by 10am.

I left my aunt’s place in Surulere a few minutes to 9 and got to Sabo like past 9. I got there, did my makeup, ironed my dress and the waiting started. It started raining and I was getting impatient because I wanted to get to church on time (can’t make God wait).
I called my bestie and he said it’s been raining at where he stayed and he can’t come under the rain. I chilled and slept and woke up by 11am, listened to music, slept and woke up by 12:30pm. I called again and he said it’s still raining.

Ok oh, rain please stop, but noooo, it was like the more I begged the more it fell. 1:30, 1:45, the programme had started and bestie was still not here. I called again and he said except he comes under the rain and I’m like duh, are you walking from your house to where I am. I was so pissed and I thought of going on my own but then, I dint want to go under the rain.

I was so hungry because I hadn’t eaten. My bestie finally arrived like around 3. As the nice person that he is, he said we should stop at an eatery so I could eat. I couldn’t object cos I was really hungry. Almost 2 hours into prayer conference, I was eating…now I think of it, I should have objected because I left God stuff for something irrelevant (really not a wise decision).

Few minutes to 4 we were on our way to Ikeja and the driver saw traffic and wanted to take the faster route, the driver started screaming “yay yay yay!” My bestie asked what was it and the driver stupidly said nothing.

The car had started submerging inside the sea of brown water and I started feeling my legs getting wet and I looked down, lo and behold that sea was entering the car and smoke was coming out of the bonnet, my trouser was already soaked to my knee. The cab stopped and we had to come down to face the sea, with my load (because I was going home that day).

At this point, I was shaking because I had never experienced anything like that. My bestie had to remove his snickers (which were already soaked) to walk in the flood to help push the man’s cab. I had to walk on d high ground.
If you know Yaba tech or WAEC road, you would know the pavement with flowers, I had to squeeze myself to pass by that, before I came down and walked forward to a safe place. I was so…I don’t even know the word to use. That was the first time I experienced such. We got a ride to Maryland and took a cab and we finally got to church by 5 (3 hours into d prayer conference). Praise God it was still on and I got something from it. But the kind of cold wey do me ehhhn…kai!

I just concluded that that was my punishment from God for changing my priority. Yeah…I know it’s a long gist but I was told to write.