Let’s talk about Nigeria for a minute

If you have followed my blog for a while you will know that Nigeria is one of my favorite things to write about, and these days it has been very hard to do that. But I want to overcome the difficulty and talk to you about Nigeria.

What have Nigerian politicians done for some of you that you want to kill all of us because of them? Some of you are ready to kill another person because of Nigerian politicians, people you don’t know and don’t know you? Will it kill you to admit that Jonathan was a terrible president and that Buhari, is equally as terrible?  Will you die if you admit that APC is just as selfish and evil as PDP?

Even if you can’t admit it in public because of your over-inflated ego, surely you can do that in private?  Surely you can lock yourself up in your room and admit that this country is not working. We have been in a recession for so long that recession jokes have all become dry. Surely somewhere in your heart you know that whether you believe in APC or PDP, Nigeria is not working.

These things are fact, these things are crystal clear but instead of us to work together we are bickering over politicians who do nothing for us.

As at the writing of this, there has been 226 days in 2017 and President Buhari has spent at least 152 days in the UK. As far as 2017 is concerned our president is closer to a being a British citizen than he is to being a Nigerian citizen not to talk of Nigerian president. In that time, the economy has remained in the same toilet Buhari left it in, Nnamdi Kanu, first of his name, has gained enough man power to  start an actual army down south, Boko Haram are back like they never left up north and then ASUU unleashes a mass population of idle youths into a very chaotic scene. There is not much room for excitement to be honest and it is very depressing when you think about it.

I am not trying to scare you but I need you to know that, cliche and banter aside, Nigeria is falling apart and very soon something will give. We as Nigerians are standing in a room filled with gas and instead of looking for a way out we are hoping and praying nothing ignites a spark. We will not survive like this much longer, even if we do make it passed Boko Haram, a failing economy and Nnamdi Kanu in one piece, oil is going away and it’s never coming back, our population is exploding and there will be even less opportunities than there are now.

I want you to know that your children and my children will grow up in a Nigeria that is much tougher than it is now unless we stop that from happening and we are running out of time.

If you don’t know what to do to make a big difference, start from the little things. Vote for your conscience, vote for the man or woman with the best plan even if they don’t have a political party with huge cash. Follow the activities of your state governor, your state legislature, the national assembly, ask them questions, do not compromise your integrity and if you have none, get some. Keep your loyalty for your conscience and not any politician or political party. Don’t keep quiet, let your voice be heard, don’t let sincere ignorance stand and don’t suffer fools. Let your presence be felt.

Nigeria may have done nothing for you but she needs you. She needs you more than she knows it. Stay safe, stay smart, stay woke.


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It’s The Change That Caused It & Other Stories

The last time we bought rice was before the recession but we’re going to need to buy in the next weeks. The last time I checked bag costs N24,000, I don’t have the heart to check the current prices and neither does my mum and as I am writing this are considering buying from Benin Republic, we hear it is cheaper on the Cotonu side.


I take a stroll out of the office to go and get a doughnut, I walk up to the seller, I tell him I’ll take two, I whip out a N100 bill and extend it to him, he looks at me and very gently nods his head in a way that most probably won’t even notice. He says he’s sorry but a doughnut is now N100, but he’ll give me two for N150. My heart sinks. I’m speechless and stare at him for a second before mumbling a request for one. I collect it and walk back wondering whether hunger isn’t better than a N100 doughnut with no jam. I poke my hand in the hole in sadness.


I decide I need to change my phone case, it has run its race. I stop at a merchant where I get my reliably fake wires and cheap tech accessories. It’s at the entrance of a small mini-market on the way to my house. Narrowly enclosed by walls on each side, it’s like a passage way of sorts but unlike proper Lagos markets no one is grabbing you into their stalls. He shows me different cases and I settle on one. He says N1,000 and I immediately respond with N500 and the haggling begins. Eventually we settle at N800 and he begins to package it. He starts a conversation about how he would have given me at a cheaper price but that restocking is the problem as the economy would ensure he makes a loss. He looks at me, and tells me that before I never priced (haggled) him. He says “It’s the change that caused it”. I walk away


Doesn’t he know that “The Change” doesn’t control the oil prices? That we were going to end up here whether we had a change or more of the same luck.

But does it matter? The prices of everything including sensible leadership has gone through the roof and our money has bored holes in our pockets and fallen to the ground. Who cares about bloody oil prices when rents due and salary hasn’t been paid since…A man does not even remember, a man has been broke for too long.

I hope everyone of us makes it out of this mess in one piece. I hope we learn our lessons, I hope we move forward. God help us all.

5 Reasons Nigerians Won’t Forget Goodluck Jonathan 

1.  He Had No Shoes.
Goodluck Jonathan stole Nigerians hearts in 2011 with what was one of the most creative and persuasive electoral campaigns in Nigerias democratic history. Nigerians will never forget hearing “I had no shoes”, “I had no food to eat” and “I was a fisher boy.” Jonathan would be later criticized for trying to make sure all Nigerians suffer and go without shoes since he discovered them in Aso Rock. Regardless of a mediocre time as president at the very least, Jonathan will always be our president who had no shoes. 
2. Dame Parience Jonathan.
Nigerians will never ever have another First Lady like mama peace. The woman is a gem. She served more effectively as a comic relief to Jonathan’s administration than as the First Lady which is actually not as bad as it sounds, okay maybe it is a little. 
From “My fellow widows” to “Dere is God!” Or even her campaign “born throwaway” slogan She kept breaking national YouTube records and giving her speech writers and PR team countless heart attacks. Some people are of the opinion that she was the real brain behind Jonathan’s rapid rise to the apex office of the land, revealing a more tactical mind that was portrayed in the media. Other less candid people just wish Jonathan brought someone else to Aso Rock. Regardless of  what you think of Mr, Jonathan we will definitely miss his wife.
3. Strike 1 Strike 2 and Strike 3!
The Goodluck Jonathan administration definitely saw the most strikes and protests in a democratically elected government in Nigerias history. Whether it’s ASUU’s 6 month strike, Doctors strike or oil marketers grinding life to a very sudden hault, Nigerians in typical fashion always found a way to suffer and smile especially at the presidential elections when they smile-fully voted him out. History will hold Mr. Jonathan’s democratic government up there with military dictators for having one of the highest cases of civil action.
4. #WhereisOurPresident?
Mr. Jonathan’s unnecessary silence at crucial times ultimately cost him his chair at Aso Rock. It’s still quite baffling as to why a president would alsways go radio silent in the midst of all his country’s tumultuous periods. From the abduction of the Chibok girls (who have still not been found), to the deadly fuel and energy crisis a few days to the end of his tenure and almost every scandal in between Mr. Jonathan would rather not talk or talk about everything else except the issue at hand. If Nigerians were lucky to get a reaction out of their commander in chief, it usually wasn’t a reasuring one and this left Nigerians feeling a little bit neglected and like the country was on auto pilot. 
Mr. Jonathan also had one of the worst PR. teams in Nigerian political history which was a far cry from his 2011 electoral campaign. His media spokespeople usually ended up making matters worse. In fact much of the running of the country has been credited to the Senate President, David Mark and Minister of the Economy, Okonjo-Iweala.
5. My Ambition is Not worth The Blood.
If there is one thing that no Nigerian can discredit about Jonathan’s time in office it was his shocking acceptance of defeat at the end of the elections. It was unprecedented and definitely saved a lot of bloodshed and is really in many ways the most positive impact of Mr. Jonathan’s time in office. 
Regardless of the different views of Mr. Goodluck Jonathan, we wish him the best in his future endeavors and Nigerians will definitely put Jonathan as one of the most talked about presidents.