This is a write-up I wrote some months ago, enjoy.
It is in a moment of mixed emotions mainly a feeling of sobriety, anger and personal disappointment, (not to mention the saddening music in my ear)that I have decided to vent my personal frustrations and anger on my blog.
Like every average Nigerian I have gone through the compulsory rigors of identifying what is wrong with my country, her stupidities and glaring failures. Yet somewhere in the back of my mind was God reminding me to remember the good. Obviously for most of the day I have shoved those words in one of those redundant filing cabinets in my mind and maybe labeled it “Do not Open Today”.
There is a reality in which I have consistently failed in assuming personal responsibility on all fronts for my life. A reality that says who am I to question the characters of those in power when I can question my own character in my dreams.
Perhaps, if I had taken personal responsibility rather than just talked about it or planned and dreamt, maybe just maybe I would have touched someone’s life, that someone who could have touched another someone.
In secondary school, I was appointed a prefect against all odds or logic (as far as I was concerned) and one of the things I quickly learnt was the need to appreciate people.
Sometimes you need to tell people more than thank you. You need to tell them that they look good and amazing, you need to be polite, respect their person when you speak by avoiding unnecessary jokes at their expense. Let them feel special. Listen more and talk less, be available for people to locate you, don’t lock yourself up unnecessarily.
By doing so you win them towards you, and most importantly you show you care. Do it out of a caring heart and not with a hidden motive or a political agenda.
The Mystrey Of Purpose
Pst. Paul Adefarsin.
Moses had originally set out to complete his. God given assignment without the backing of God. He missed Gods timing.
When God appeared to moses on Mt. Moriah, He was essentially sending him to go back to Egypt, to carry out an assignment that he was still trying to recover from the first attempt after 40yrs.
For 40yrs Moses was recuperating from his botched attempt at destiny actualization. The once fluent Prince was now a meager stammerer. His attires had changed from princely rain meant to animal skin.
However Moses attempted to accomplish destiny for a second time after 40yrs. This time God made him a god, rather than a prince. He tried to save 1 person before but now God wanted him to save 3 million people.
They told Pharaoh that Moses was back, but he looked nothing like royalty. He looked like a peasant. However Moses commanded godly authority and carriage. Pharaoh and Moses didn’t even have direct communication, Pharaoh spoke to Moses via Aaron.
After 9 battles between the God of Moses and the 9 gods of Pharaoh, 9 battles that didn’t yield fruit. The fact that God had hardened Pharaohs worsened things. But at last at the 10th battle pharaoh had to let them go.
As long as you are committed destiny maybe delayed but never denied
When you study cultures where arraigned marriages are a norm as against more liberal cultures of Europe and America, you will discover that the former has a lower divorce rate. As a matter of fact the U.K Daily mail (March 4 2011) published an article that says arraigned marriages are more likely to last than marriages of passion. To further prove that I am not mad, a survey shows that India (known notoriously for arraigned marriages) has a crude divorce rate of 1.01 while the U.S is 3.6! This is because people in arraigned marriages develop the ability out of lack of choice to choose to fall in love.
Here is my point…LOVE IS A CHOICE! In my life I’ve observed that I deliberately choose who I like, sometimes more with lesser attention. For a guy, you saw that girl, you didn’t like her body, soul and spirit right away did you? No! You liked one thing first, then another, then another, till one day you arrived, ‘I like this girl’. The same goes for the ladies. However most times you are not aware that this is what you are doing. I am no psychologist but I do know if you couldn’t controll or decide who you fell in love with then you might as well fall in love with everyone of the opposite sex that you even remotely admire.
Here is another point, if you decided to love, you can decide not to! So clean your eyes, stand up from the bathroom fall, drop the drug or whatever it is that you are using to suck in self pity and get on with your life!
Forgive me but, I am saddened anytime a respectable guy or girl introduces me to his or her friend and the latter is as irresponsible as…irresponsible! Most times as their friendship progresses one person usually begins to go through a metamorphosis. This metamorphosis usually involves either an increase in ones level of reliability (often times it’s temporary) or a decrease in the others level of reliability.
When you cannot choose friends properly, you can never controll who you fall in and out of love with. Have you ever dated someone simply because your friends insisted? How did that end? Have you ever avoided a break-up because your friends insisted? How frustrated where you? Have you ever been in a relationship that is going south because your friend would not buzz out? How many marriages do you think break because initially ‘my friend said’ or ‘my friend saw’ a lot!
Friendship is the primary and most important level of relationship. Get it right! If you are as careful in choosing who you hang out with as you are in choosing who you date, your life could be a whole lit better.
The same way you friend zone some people is the same way you should zone some people into the acquaintance department of your relationship office. It doesn’t mean you shouldn’t talk to them anymore, but censor your conversations, and your trust. Not everybody you talk to more than hi and hello is your friend! After you leave your parents house till you die, even while in your parents house, nobody can pull your strings like your friends can. Every friend I have I can tell you off the top of my heads why we are friends, what we have in common and what I believe they can or cannot do.
In secondary school (not high school, secondary school…lol) I was often regarded as emotionless, basically the only emotions I exhibited publicly were anger and frustration. My God I could get angry. I remember once throwing my classmates Locker outside the class while I was in Jss2. Well that’s another story. Honestly, how or why I went through this period I do not know. But what I know is I learnt a great deal about bridling emotions.
I discovered that though love was unpredictable in certain context and that it was almost uncontrollable, love needs your permission to operate in your mind or heart or whichever you prefer.
My discovery was put to the test in my first year in university. But that story will come in some time in the future.
I need you to understand that love is a choice and not by force. ‘I just can’t stop liking her or hims a lie that we have told ourselves time and time again. Use this analogy, if you het dumped, you may cry, be sad, get depressed, but you always get over it. That’s what I am telling you get over it!
Get over that guy or that girl that dumped you, if they really did like or love you (which ever term you prefer) they would have stayed (except you are that bad). You permit yourself to like who you want and subsequently I will try to show you how.
I heard the story of a one time jobless man called Steve Harris who sat down in his house and decided that in one year he wanted to make about N30 billion. In the next one year this man made over N17 million. Definitely not up to the N30 million but way better than poverty. I have discovered that one of the differences between successful people and those who are not is not in the presence or absence of a dream, as a matter of fact every human being has a dream. It may be good bad, big or small but a dream none the less. but not all dreams are what I call resilient dreams. These are dreams that don’t die, they break down the obstacles, they are outrageous especially when you look at your current situation.
Bill Clinton decided at an early age against all reason that one day he wanted to be the president of America. He became that.
Bill Gates had a massive dream to put a computer in every home, in 1977, the president of Digital Equipment Corporation was asked to invest in Microsoft, he said “there is no reason for anyone to have a computer in their homes”.
The late Clifford Roberts founder of the Masters golf tournament said “as long as I live caddy’s will be black and golfers will be white”. One year before he died in 1977, Tiger Woods won the masters tournament.
T.D Jakes, told his mother when he was 8 or 9 years old, against all reason and logic, that he was addressed as Mrs. Jakes son but a time would come when she would come to hear him speak and be addressed as Thomas Dexter’s (TD) Mother, on September 17 2001, he was featured on the cover of Time magazine as one of the best preachers of all time and a possible successor of Billy Graham.
How Resilient is your dream?
Its not unusual within the context of the Nigerian experiment to hear public figures whether inside or outside public or political office to speak carelessly in the name of speaking the truth. I am not against speaking the truth but I am against stirring up unnecessary controversy and confrontation. However this problem doesn’t start from our public figures because almost everybody does it.
Your mind is the final frontier of your privacy. Not everything ought to be said and some things that ought to be said ought to be said in certain context. Ever wonder why many people don’t appreciate being told what to do, but if you suggest it, you can often deliver the same message and get better results.
Take for example, my sister and I were suppose to go somewhere with someone. Now the person was waiting for us, but my sister was into all the make-up and was packing, scattering and repacking her hair. I was getting all frustrated and was trying to tell her we needed to leave. Well obviously that didn’t work. Eventually I just kept quiet and started starring at her. Within 10 seconds it was like film trick…she rushed and was ready.
I was able to pass my message more with my eyes than even with my mouth.
Shouting and yelling rarely works effectiveness. Keep your calm, keep your peace. It might be hard but just to it. Don’t become known as that shouting neighbor, or hot-tempered friend. I know cause I’ve been there.
There came a day in school during the festivities of the founders day (which was actually celebrated over the period of a week), that the school management decided to hold a meeting with all the students so that they could harvest some of our complaints, observations and suggestions about the school. I remember sitting down for about 2-3 hrs listening to different people come and make complaints. Some where outrightly senseless, some ladies gave theirs with a little attitude and all, others where just rhetorical although some actually hit the nail on the head. However there was one persons comment that stands out in my mind and I doubt if it was because it was the last.
A 100 level guy, yet to matriculate (actually I was in 100 level at the time) came out and there was a loud ovation from his guys. Perhaps they knew what was about to happen or they just liked him. Why they did that I didn’t know but I was about to find out. This guy took the microphone and I will never forget the first words he uttered, he said ’all of what you have all said is rubbish!’ Honestly, this was the first time I had heard real boo’s. It was strong!
In my mind I was like why would someone with no reps and apperantly no self respect come and tell 7,000 people that we are all stupid!
Anyways the thing is this guy made the most sense (am not saying no one else made sense that day) out of all who had spoken, but you see the approach was extremely wrong. Sometimes you have to shove your personal feelings aside to get your point across. Nobody will ever listen to you if their ego’s are hurt you. Truthfully even some christains avoid churches where the sermons are as if someone is reporting them to the pastor.
The truth is bitter but it must be told without blemish, but the ‘packaging’ counts. Look at it this way whether you eat food from the pot directly or you serve it in a plate the content doesn’t change, but it’s appearance does. Be smart, what is your approach?
The fear of people is most times having no connection to reality. According to Houston Chronicle May 2 1996,
People fear flying, yet they are more likely to choke to death than die on a commercial aircraft.
They fear being stabbed by a total stranger but yet are twice as likely to be killed playing sport.
They fear being killed by a shark, yet barnyard pigs kill more people than sharks do.
They fear dying in a medical procedure but are sixteen times likely to die in a car accident than a medical procedure
There is a scientific field of study called Psychoneuroimmunology, it is the Study of the mind and its effects on sickness and disease. Psychologists have now developed a profile of what they call the “hardy personality.”
This is the man or woman who seems to respond positively and effectively to adversity and setbacks. He or she is optimistic and forward thinking. It seems that the more optimistic you are, the stronger and more resilient is your mind and body. As a result, you will have higher levels of energy and a quicker recovery rate from fatigue. You will seldom be ill for any reason. If you catch a cold or flu, which will be rare, you will bounce back quickly as the fortified t-cells in your body quickly counter attack and eradicate the infection that is causing it
Also in the Bible we see the story of David and Goliath, but while people saw Goliath as too big to kill David say him as too big too miss
Ralph Waldo Emerson said ‘Make a habit throughout your life of doing the things you fear. If you do the thing you fear, the death of fear is certain’
What are you afraid of…get rid of it!