Category Archives: Why is it

What do President Buhari’s media aides actually do?

I have a question that needs answering, what do Buhari’s media aides actually do?

A while ago one of Buhari’s media aides tweeted this,

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Now I get that they are supposed to hype the government and make the president look good, or at least better than he is, but this is a school boy error. The entire system social media system of the presidency is a school boy error. But chill fess, how in the world is opening 40,000 email addresses an achievement? Like that is the kind of thing you don’t talk about. You mean Nigerian government officials didn’t have official emails till Buhari became president? What a wawuu, what an Hembarrassment on Nigeria.

More to the point, take a look at this

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What exactly does it mean when you are the spokesperson TO the president? Is it that you speak to the president on behalf of the people and if that is what it means I don’t remember anyone voting for Garba Shehu, so how on earth did he become the spokesperson TO the president. It also makes sense that Garba Shehu would be the spokesman to the president, when you think about it, it makes perfect sense that Buhari is hardly ever in touch with Nigerians. Mr. Shehu must be telling him something else. Also note how he’s the senior special adviser on media and publicity.

Done that? Now take a look that the picture below, notice anything here?

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I’m guessing he’s the junior special adviser on media and publicity. I know it doesn’t read junior special adviser but think about it, if there is a senior there has to be a what __________? (10 marks).

Although I wonder what happened to him, is it that he hasn’t written junior-government-officials-WAEC or what? Also I wonder, how do these people advise the president? What is a senior matter and what is a junior matter? Or is someone just a glorified assistant or over-titled deputy?

But I’m not done, let me introduce you to,  Bashir Ahmad.b.PNGAt least he’s more humble than our Junior adviser who refused to put junior in his bio. Maybe he should listen to some more Kendrick Lamar.

You would think Mr. Ahmad has been able to distinguish himself from our earlier suspects and in some ways he actually has but the problem here is that Garba Shehu and Femi Adesina keep doing his darn job. Isn’t Bashir Ahmad supposed to be the Official Tweep of The Federal Republic of Nigeria? I think that’s a much cooler title if I do say so myself .

There has to be some type of confusion in Aso Rock if Garba Shehu and Femi Adesina are doing Bashir Ahmad’s job. I wonder if he still gets paid? #FixitJesus.

Last but not the list is my model Official Tweep of The Federal Republic of Nigeria.

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I’m not a Tolu Ogunlesi stan but the difference is kind of clear, I’m guessing his job of is more of this,

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but it also leaves me with a question. If we have an office that is dedicated to running three twitter accounts for the president why do we still need Official Tweeps of The Federal Republic of Nigeria? Why cant we just interact with the presidency through the official accounts instead of paying people to come and be glorified social media ambassadors? After all if the person behind the EFCC’s twitter account has not gathered mind to come do ambassador work, who are these ones? They don’t even tweet funny stuff to start with.

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Why do we love US & UK accents so much?

This is my second in Why is it series, you can catch up on the earlier post here if you missed anyone.

I have a lot of questions about accent, especially how Nigerians treat people with accents. I’m not talking about a persons understanding and use of English, I am talking of a Yoruba persons ability to pronounce that word as HAH-BILI-TY all the while speaking proper English.

I’ve met a ton of people, including friends and family who have told me that wouldn’t even tolerate a friend if he pronounces ‘bread’ as ‘BREEAD,’ meanwhile they’re pronouncing ‘he’ as ‘E‘.  I always ask why and I usually get responses from “why not” to “I just won’t” and asides the fact that I think this all is a little E-PO-CRITI-CAL, it’s just plain confusing to me.

Look at the media and the entertainment industry, a general perception is accent-up and remain jobless and while I can reluctantly stomach it for broadcasters, presenters and journalists, I don’t understand why an actor, acting as a regular Nigerian, will have an accent fit for the Queen of HINGLAND.

After all the Hollywood movies and series you’ve seen, it surely must have dawned on you that a very Australian Hugh Jackman or Nicole Kidman sound American in American movies or a British Idris Elba, Irish Liam Neeson all sound American when they act as Americans. So why do Nigerians sound like they’re from south side Chicago or Birmingham when acting as Nigerians in Nigerian movies? I’m confused.

Why are we so uncomfortable with the way we sound that the moment someone speaks to us with an extra ‘r’ we instinctively respond with an incomplete, unorganized, castrated and half baked accent to the point that we sometimes sound like idiots.

It’s so bad that in one sentence you will hear a UK, Yoruba and US accent. Jokes asides, there are actually people who went to India and came back sounding like Kim Kardashian.

If accents were so easy to pick why is it that the Nigerians that spend decades in India, Ghana, South African even Ireland  come back with accent in tact, but some blessed person will go on two weeks vacation to New York and come back sounding like Bobrisky. 

Is it because we feel they’re better than us? Do we feel like our Nigerian accents make us sound considerably less educated or less exposed? I’m in a fix and I need you to EPP me HUNDERSTAND this.

Why aren’t there more success stories of Nigerians from poor backgrounds?

This is my first in the why is it series where I want you to help me find answers to mosquito questions, i.e, questions that don’t let me sleep well at night. In case you missed the introductory post, you can find it here. So here we go.

Why is it that the majority of success stories in Nigeria are from people originally of middle class or wealthy backgrounds?

I grew up believing that no matter you were born with, if you worked hard enough you could accomplish anything and it didn’t matter where you went to school, where you lived or who you knew, just put in the work and success would wiggle its way, slowly but surely, to you. I believed that till I found out about polytechnics, networking or should I say connection.

There are millions of Nigerians who go to polytechnics and have a permanent concrete ceiling trolling them harder than the fake news media covering Donald Trump. Their certificates are useless, in the sense that climbing up any cooperate ladder, no matter how hard you work, is next to impossible. If your polytechnic diploma gets you in the interview room of any serious organization, for any well-paying position in Nigeria, that right there is a sign that God called your pastor. The man is praying hard for you and you should seriously consider giving some prophet offering. Either that or your connection, I mean network, is more than Obasanjo’s own.

Speaking of ´connectwork´, let’s not pretend that if you come from poverty in Nigeria, networking is limited to very select places and people, which is my nice way of saying networking is making sure your oga-madam likes you…a lot. Someone might want to say social media and that is true on some level. Social media has made meeting and interacting with new people very easy but the chances are, if you’re living below the poverty line in Nigeria, you either cannot afford internet or a smartphone, or you live in an area where you realized that MTN is not everywhere you go. And if MTN is not there, just forget it. Nigeria runs on connections, everything, post proposal, from winning a contract to securing a bank loan is about having the right phone numbers or email addresses and connected people flow in separate classes. Classes that even Thor’s hammer finds difficult to break.

Then there’s our own form of caste system. Our bad behaviours that say if you and I cannot relate on some brother-sister-aunty-uncle level, you will not enter the kingdom as long as I have the keys, #DJKhaled, and what better way to relate than with money and social class?

Look around you, there aren’t that many rags-to-riches stories. Let Google guide you as you look up your favorite celebrities, politicians, business people, a lot of them didn’t start from ground zero. They may have gotten to that point at some time in their lives and crawled their way back up or as I like to put it many of them have lost money, but still had friends.

Don’t get this wrong, I’m not suggesting that these people had stuff handed to them, they fought and have the battle scars and blood stained clothes to prove but the simple truth is a lot of them and a lot of us started and are starting from a higher pedestal than most Nigerians and while the laws of working hard may apply as black and white to the privileged people, it’s very grey for most Nigerians. Why is that?

 

 

 

The “Why is it” series 

There are a lot of questions that have been bugging me for sometime now and I’m not any closer to finding out the answers. Since I can be quite obsessive, I need to find answers to these questions or at least new way to think about solving these questions.

I have decided to start a new series called Why is it?

In the series I’ll try and explain how my mind has been processing these questions, what I’ve thought about and what I can’t wrap my head around. These aren’t opinions and I promise they aren’t stupid questions either. They’re about faith, religion, politics, culture, social change and boredom. I want to know what you think about them. 

I’m excited about this. 

✌🏾 Peace and blessings