Dear God, Can I Change My Nationality Now?

I know that you know everything and that you have a reason for putting me in this country. But I must say that I am tired of this county. Very very tired.

It’s not even the fact that there is no electricity. I am already used to it. I don’t even know what it’s like to live in a place without power outages. It’s the fact that our leadership just keeps moving from one level of stupidity to another.

I ask myself, how difficult can it be to lead a country with everything? Absolutely everything. Natural resources, human capital, good economic base, what don’t we have. We have everyone yet nothing.

Dear God, People tell me not to insult the president, but I don’t see why it should be possible. Those chibok girls are still missing, maybe dead or married out. Their parents have given up hope but yet the president cannot even defend that small village. He is pursuing peace in Burkina Faso when his ass is on fire. He is seeking re-election when he behaves like someone to be impeached. He even pardons major criminals because they were his bosses at some point.

Beyond the president, there is that 71 year old elder statesman running for election for the gazillionth time. Then there is Tambuwal that left his party because they did not allow him run for president, a man with no sense of loyalty to a party, how can he be loyal to this diverse entity. Then there is that governor near the river whose mouth is faster than his brain. In fact all of the “leaders” are using public office to make a living.

God, I am just tired. I don’t even know what to do again. That’s why I am asking you if I can be permitted to just leave Nigeria, and never come back. 

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Mr. President, it wouldn’t hurt to grow a brain.

First of all, I want to apologize to all my faithful readers because I haven’t posted in a while. In my defense, exams are here and I can’t find my notes (please don’t tell my mummy). Now to the matter at hand…

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When I heard Israeli prime minister, Benjamin Netanyahu speak, I made up my mind that should he contest for election in Nigeria (which is technically impossible) I would vote for him. When I heard American President, Barrack Obama speak, I made up my mind that should he contest for president, I would vote for him. I also made up my mind that should, David Cameron, Paul Kigame or even Vladimir Putin run for election in Nigeria, I would vote. 
           But
I do not intend to vote for Mr. President and it is not because there is any other suitable alternative. I mean Buhari is too old to be running for president. If 60 is the retirement age for civil servants why should the chief civil servant be allowed to have a ‘football’ age of 71. 

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-Benjamin Netanyahu

Oga Jonah is either completely dumb or he is an absolutely confused man surrounded by completely dumb people. How is it possible that you are loosing YOUR OWN territory to a terrorist group, populated by a mixture of citizens and non-citizens, yet you are going to Burkina Faso to fix their government problems? 

Anyways I don’t blame him, all this one he has stayed here what has he done to solve the security dilemma. Instead, he is embarrassing himself by holding a unilateral cease fire with a ‘leader-less’ terrorist organization that seems to function quite well without a head. Now he is on a campaign trail to seek re-election to an office he has thoroughly embarrassed. But at least he wasn’t joking when he said “Boko haram are our brothers…we know them.”

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First of all, I want to apologize to all my faithful readers because I haven’t posted in a while. In my defense, exams are here and I can’t find my notes (please don’t tell my mummy). Now to the matter at hand…

When I heard Israeli prime minister, Benjamin Netanyahu speak, I made up my mind that should he contest for election in Nigeria (which is technically impossible) I would vote for him. When I heard American President, Barrack Obama speak, I made up my mind that should he contest for president, I would vote for him. I also made up my mind that should, David Cameron, Paul Kigame or even Vladimir Putin run for election in Nigeria, I would vote. 
           But
I do not intend to vote for Mr. President and it is not because there is any other suitable alternative. I mean Buhari is too old to be running for president. If 60 is the retirement age for civil servants why should the chief civil servant be allowed to have a ‘football’ age of 71. 

Oga Jonah is either completely dumb or he is an absolutely confused man surrounded by completely dumb people. How is it possible that you are loosing YOUR OWN territory to a terrorist group, populated by a mixture of citizens and non-citizens, yet you are going to Burkina Faso to fix their government problems? 

Anyways I don’t blame him, all this one he has stayed here what has he done to solve the security dilemma. Instead, he is embarrassing himself by holding a unilateral cease fire with a ‘leader-less’ terrorist organization that seems to function quite well without a head. Now he is on a campaign trail to seek re-election to an office he has thoroughly embarrassed. But at least he wasn’t joking when he said “Boko haram are our brothers…we know them.”

I am pained because between 2011and 2012, I was defending this man. I lost my voice shouting in arguments to defend this man. My voice is very precious to me I might add. As I was saying, I supported him during the fuel subsidy removal when everyone wanted to eat him because I believed in him (also because I didn’t want to go to school but that’s not the point). I believed in the transformation agenda, but now all I believe in is his ineptitude. 

Choi! 

Even when photographers didn’t know how to photoshop his face, those early days when he had big nose and under-of-the-pot black face, I said he was fine. I mean, I SAID HE WAS FINE!

I wish I could go and vote for APC, but they are the same vampires from different originals. 

So for now, I choose to refuse to perform my civic duty in 2015, and for now I continue the search for my notes so that I may one day graduate with a good result and maybe just maybe…go away and never comeback. I don’t know yet.

*runs away to go and read Research Methodology for Political Science*

Why I want Nigeria To Be Out of Control

Six months ago, over 200 girls where taken away from their beds in the middle of the night by terrorists, despite the fact that Military personnel where aware of the threat. Six months later, they haven’t been found, our government is suspiciously and unfortunately but expectedly quiet because EVERYTHING IS UNDER CONTROL.

In a few weeks we went from a missing 40 billion to 20 billion. The whistle blower was removed from office and given a life time position of traditional power. No money has been recovered, instead more money has been borrowed. But there is no problem because EVERYTHING IS UNDER CONTROL.

70% of Nigerians are illiterate, and a minimum of 15% out of the literate 30% are not really literate, they are just certified to have graduated from university, again there is no problem because EVERYTHING IS UNDER CONTROL.

Since 1960, Nigerians have been unable to live in a country with 24hr power supply, if we get 6-8 hrs in a day we say NEPA has tried, and we put on our generators- the noise making instrument that we are so used to. Yet the government is doing all it can to fix this because EVERYTHING IS UNDER CONTROL. 

There is poverty but it is UNDER CONTROL, Boko Haram is UNDER CONTROL, corruption is UNDER CONTROL. In fact EVERYTHING IS UNDER CONTROL. 

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, I think it is time for Nigeria to get out of Control. To get OUT OF CONTROL from the clutches of egoistic maniacs that call themselves politicians. It’s time we take this nation OUT OF THE CONTROL of government officials that eat the money that is suppose to be used for the development of the masses.

It is time for us to ask serious questions and not take no for an answer so that everything will be OUT OF CONTROL.

We mustn’t always change our level of interest as the news changes. We left the Chibok Girls in the hands of the government leaving Michelle Obama, Alicia Keys and a handful of Nigerians to fight for us.
We left our epileptic power supply in the hands of a government primarily interested in enriching their pockets.

But in January 2012, we didn’t leave the fuel subsidy decision in the hands of government, we took it to the streets, the classrooms and even our churches, because we knew there was no turning back from it. We knew it was the end if the decision was not revoked. When we were interested, we made our government sit up to at lest take “certain steps” in finding the Chibok girls.

We’ve done it before, and we can do it again. Nobody will fix Nigeria except for the citizens. The government can’t do it, the international community can’t do it, billions of dollars in loans can’t do it. It’s time we sat up and spoke with one voice, a voice so loud, it sends shivers down the spine of everyone in Aso Rock.

My Name is Ugo, and I want a Nigeria that is out of Control.

Tony Tetuila’s Bashed Car

“If I win the Election, I will not enter office with blond hair”
Tony Tetuila

 The last time prior to the declaration of his candidacy, that I had anything mentally to do with Tony was  when I saw him at a Winners Chapel Church where he was seeking the face of God. That was earlier this year. Now I understand why he was seeking Gods face. Perhaps now, God has answered him or he just answered himself and is now going into politics to contribute to the quagmire of this nation by stealing his part of the cake. Because I cannot understand why someone who has never publicly contributed in any major way even when at the peak of his career all of a sudden has a passion to “change the nation”. Even common #Bringbackourgirls (girls who are not back by the way) this blond headed… Didn’t even contribute anything whether tweets, (not a tweet oh), facebook status or even instagram pictures using his “celebrity status” Let’s be realistic, it is hunger that is doing him.

Can he not see his mates Leonardo Dicaprio, contributing his time at the UN a few weeks ago to the climate change discuss not to mention his other activities at home, or even Emma Watson, lending her voice to women’s rights, or Angelina Jolie fighting for human rights. Let’s bring it home, what of Nwankwo Kanu and his heart foundation.

That’s how you cause change, not by carrying your empty head to join the other empty heads in our government.

MSCHEEEEEEEEEW!

*UgoTalksAlot Composes Himself*

Ehen better people how una dey jare.

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Why Nigerian Actors Are Entering Politics

Imagine my shock when I discovered that the new movement in the entertainment industry is the carpet crossing into politics. Had the quality of our entertainment industry been generally  exceptional (emphasis on Nollywood) It would have been better.

Now, 9Ice, Bob-Manuel, Kate Henshaw, Julius Agu and more recently Desmond Elliot, have all declared interest in running in the 2015, elections and all I can ask myself is that perhaps competition is driving them out of business. Now that the sensations are the Wikzid’s and Davido’s, Chris Attoh’s, Nse-Ikpe Etim’s, Bovi’s and Basket Mouth’s perhaps these legends are seeking to revamp their sources of income at OUR expense after all it’s a known fact that Nigerian politics is not leadership it’s merely business. 

If you disagree how do you explain that all of a sudden, people who never reflected passion at the state of Nigeria in their movies, music, speeches or even interviews miraculously have a change of heart and want to “transform” Nigeria. Perhaps if I hear Kunle Afolayon declare election interest I will be a little bit placated because there has been a display of interest and a lack of satisfaction in the politics and polity of this nation.

It is just ridiculous! It shows the depth to which this nation is sinking. Even if I choose to forgive everyone, Desmond Elliot is totally unforgivable. He keeps doing this! First it was his crossover into music with that disaster of a gospel song, now it is this. The most annoying part is he is so talented and still very much relevant in Nollywood.

Shebi, nah national cake everyone wan chop, that cake go soon finish and nobody go know how to bake another one! 

                                                          *drops mic*

Before You Blame The Government

As far as I am concerned the current crop of leaders we have are not what this country needs. But the fact remains that this people were once ordinary Nigerians.that being said, this post is a result of a recent epiphany I had.

The truth is Before you blame government for how bad the country is, you must remember that guy that was inflating prices for you in the market because of the way you dressed. Yes that same guy that caused you to wear some of your worst clothing to market so they would stop fixing hefty prices when they see you coming.

Before you blame government, remember your university lecturer that was asking you for a bribe in exchange for certain grades. Or the hostel porter that asked for a bribe in exchange for certain favours. Don’t forget the principal of the school also, yes, that asked for money in exchange for admission.

Before you blame government, remember that irrational and inconciderate man, that wanted to to make a turn on the road forcefully and ended up denting your car’s bumper. Don’t forget how he quickly drove off and you chased him like a possessed person. 

Before you blame government, remember all the bribes YOU gave, all the people YOU swindled and cheated. Remember how unreliable YOU became at work. Before you blame the government realise that they were just like YOU. But know its not too late to avoid ending up like them.

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