What the PDP convention tells us as we enter the 2019 election season.

With the election season entering top gear, Nigeria’s opposition party PDP, decided to have its convention and finally settle a two year leadership tussle that had seen the party fall behind APC. With Atiku Abubakar, arguably Nigeria’s best branded politician moving back to the party from APC, the convention should have been a moment to put APC on notice and inspire Nigerians, it did not live up to the expectations.

While the convention had all the ingredients to motivate PDP’s core supporters, it was more of the same political rigmarole in a time when Nigerians are looking for something else.

The results of the PDP convention are worrying for a plethora of reasons. For one, Nigeria’s two biggest thug life governors, Rivers state governor Nyesom Wike and Ekiti state governor Peter Fayose put what was left of PDPs old guard on notice. The party, in 2016 had agreements to zone the chairmanship to the south-west, Wike apparently didn’t get the memo as he put his weight behind Uche Secondus and shoved out heavy weights like Bode George and Otungba Gbenga Daniel.

Despite Bode George’s rants about this in a press release, it is difficult to be sympathetic to a man who after many years of “service” is a crystal clear representation of the crop of Nigerian leadership that has led the country to the conundrum that it is now in. In fact Bode George is crying because for the first time in a long time he has tasted a medicine he had distributed to so many over the counter and that is joyous to behold.

But the joy is a short one because a PDP at the beck and call of Wike or Fayose for that matter is not really the type of party that Nigeria needs and it doesn’t matter whether they are the opposition or in government, like APC, they’re just not it.

The absence of women and young people in PDPs core positions show that the party is not ready to change or reinvent itself to the times. It is not even prepared to pretend. With Fayose’s stomach infrastructure and Rivers state’s money PDP may do well for themselves come 2019, but history has told us that what is good for PDP or APC for that matter is not always good for Nigeria.

What then can ordinary Nigerians do? Time is ticking and with APC and PDP at the forefront of Nigeria’s leadership tussle the projections do not bode well for an inspirational or impactful election season.

There are a lot of small impact things we can do, one is to join political parties whether it’s APC or PDP. We need to get in there en mass and we need to stamp our foot down and not settle for more of the same.

Second is to become open and comfortable with the idea of exploring options outside the PDP and APC. Some of the smaller party candidates we will see in the coming months may or may not have a profile of Atiku’s popularity and they will definitely not have the bank of the two political titans but can we not automatically assume all of them are incompetent? We need to settle and examine their proposals and plans on a case by case basis.

Third, vote PDP or APC on a policy basis. Elections in Nigeria are rarely ever about the policy, sometimes they are about proposed actions but never about the how to (the plan). They are always about the person and the party. We can’t afford that in 2019. Support whoever you want to but make sure you know and agree with what they want to do and how they say they want to do it. Ask questions!

Finally vote! Your vote matters, it counts, your vote can decide a ward and that ward can decide a state. It matters. Do not sell it and if you must eat Ayo Fayose’s rice, still vote with your conscience. Nigeria cannot afford for you to be apolitical, get down in the grind put your ears to the floor and consult your brain. God help us and let 2019 be favorable for all those who want Nigeria’s progress.

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10 Things That Need to Be in The Nigerian Constitution

To whom to may concern,

PETITION FOR THE INCLUSION OF CERTAIN NECESSARY PROVISIONS IN THE NIGERIAN CONSTITUTION

Provision 1: Jollof at parties

We hereby request that the official party food be officially identified as Jollof Rice. Party planners are allowed the privilege of deciding the garnishments to accompany the Jollof. Party planners may also offer other forms of food. However, the ratio of Jollof to other meal types should be no smaller than ratio 5:1.

Also, all Jollof Rices must have evidence of the party flavour i.e bay leaf. Otherwise, it is considered to be in violation of the Jollof Rice law.

Provision 2: Meat at the end of the meal

The official order of meal consumption is every other food group first, protein last. Nigerians are not permitted to eat proteins in the beginning or in the middle of the meal. Such an act should be considered unNigerian and must be punishable by future protein deprivation.

Provision 3: If she vomits she is pregnant

Within the Federal Republic of Nigeria, it is vital that we recognize several means of pregnancy testing. However, the officially recognized pregnancy test which should be considered valid and admissions in the court of law is abrupt vomiting by any female who has reached the age of puberty.

Vomiting is an especially valid sign of pregnancy if it happens mid-sentence. Once a female within the specified age vomits, no further testing is necessary. The pregnancy is confirmed.

Provision 4: Don’t spend clean money

In our great republic, spending any naira note that is still “mint” should be prohibited. Should the case arise that a citizen has no other note in his/her possession, such a person has the right to go begging for dirty notes. Spending of new notes is not permitted under such circumstances.

New naira notes are only to be used for two purposes. First, for the purchase of new items of a high calibre. Second, new notes may be used when sprayed at wedding ceremonies. Any other use outside of this is to be a punishable offence.

Provision 5: Friyay Native Attire

Every Friday is a national holiday from the slavery that is Western clothing. Thus, all true citizens of the Federal Republic of Nigeria are to be clad in “trad”. Violation of this is to be tagged as mutiny and conspiracy to recolonize the country. Such a person is to be ostracized.

Persons exempt from this law are neighborhood lunatics and local law enforcement officials. Which, if we are being honest sometimes make it difficult to know the difference.

Provision 6: NEPA will take light if it rains

We request that in order to reduce the disappointment and hopefulness levels of the citizens of the republic, an official provision should reflect the following; During a thunderstorm or a drizzle, there will be a sustained power outage, which will only be resolved within 1 hour of the rains’ dissipation.

This law also applies to all areas within a 30km radius of where the rain is actually falling.

Other provisions for due consideration include:

  • Items in the market are worth half the original stated price
  • The official TV station at all banking halls is CNN
  • The freshness of a loaf of bread is to be verified by the act of squeezing said bread.
  • Indicator lights are not valid. One must “trafficate” with their hand or be ignored.

Thank you for taking your time to consider our petition. We are open to your feedback and criticism. The aim is to ensure that the constitution reflects the true nature of “We, the people”. If there are any additions you would like to make do let us know in the comment section below.

Until then, we remain the Ugotalksalot Initiative.

Yours Sincerely,
Princess of no Kingdom

Let’s talk about Nigeria for a minute

If you have followed my blog for a while you will know that Nigeria is one of my favorite things to write about, and these days it has been very hard to do that. But I want to overcome the difficulty and talk to you about Nigeria.

What have Nigerian politicians done for some of you that you want to kill all of us because of them? Some of you are ready to kill another person because of Nigerian politicians, people you don’t know and don’t know you? Will it kill you to admit that Jonathan was a terrible president and that Buhari, is equally as terrible?  Will you die if you admit that APC is just as selfish and evil as PDP?

Even if you can’t admit it in public because of your over-inflated ego, surely you can do that in private?  Surely you can lock yourself up in your room and admit that this country is not working. We have been in a recession for so long that recession jokes have all become dry. Surely somewhere in your heart you know that whether you believe in APC or PDP, Nigeria is not working.

These things are fact, these things are crystal clear but instead of us to work together we are bickering over politicians who do nothing for us.

As at the writing of this, there has been 226 days in 2017 and President Buhari has spent at least 152 days in the UK. As far as 2017 is concerned our president is closer to a being a British citizen than he is to being a Nigerian citizen not to talk of Nigerian president. In that time, the economy has remained in the same toilet Buhari left it in, Nnamdi Kanu, first of his name, has gained enough man power to  start an actual army down south, Boko Haram are back like they never left up north and then ASUU unleashes a mass population of idle youths into a very chaotic scene. There is not much room for excitement to be honest and it is very depressing when you think about it.

I am not trying to scare you but I need you to know that, cliche and banter aside, Nigeria is falling apart and very soon something will give. We as Nigerians are standing in a room filled with gas and instead of looking for a way out we are hoping and praying nothing ignites a spark. We will not survive like this much longer, even if we do make it passed Boko Haram, a failing economy and Nnamdi Kanu in one piece, oil is going away and it’s never coming back, our population is exploding and there will be even less opportunities than there are now.

I want you to know that your children and my children will grow up in a Nigeria that is much tougher than it is now unless we stop that from happening and we are running out of time.

If you don’t know what to do to make a big difference, start from the little things. Vote for your conscience, vote for the man or woman with the best plan even if they don’t have a political party with huge cash. Follow the activities of your state governor, your state legislature, the national assembly, ask them questions, do not compromise your integrity and if you have none, get some. Keep your loyalty for your conscience and not any politician or political party. Don’t keep quiet, let your voice be heard, don’t let sincere ignorance stand and don’t suffer fools. Let your presence be felt.

Nigeria may have done nothing for you but she needs you. She needs you more than she knows it. Stay safe, stay smart, stay woke.

 

Don’t forget to comment, subscribe to my blog and the YouTube Channel

 

The People Are Hungry, Well, Give Them Some Rice

None of the images used in this post are mine

A politician runs his campaign on promises that encompass everything in between the east and west. Promises as tall as the Eiffel Tower and grassroot oriented that they go as low as ocean beds. 

The politician comes into office and performs like as well as a castrated man in a brothel. He knows he or she needs to do the barest minimum to get re-elected or install the candidate of his/her choice. So he does exactly that, absolutely nothing. For 4 to 8 years they sit in the office commissioning boreholes and shabbily constructed roads, all the while touting their achievements like they’ve cured aids. 

Then the next election comes and all they do, all they need to do to win, is to share a few plates of rice, plastic forks spoons not included. And as expected they win. 
The brightest minds in Nigerian political analysis get on the air waves and tell us, whose futures have been mortgaged by over cooked rice, that the people are hungry. 

What damn people? The people aren’t hungry, they don’t need food, they need eye glasses and binoculars. They need goddam opticians. What they need to do is open those two holes right below their foreheads and see that they are starving themselves. 
We are on a hunger strike, a prolonged fast or whatever you want to call it. Every single time we put people in office that stop us from getting food, they give us the leftovers from the crumbs and we extend their unlimited subscription to our food, our national cake. 

WAKE UP PEOPLE! We can’t do this forever, Nigerians are dying and it’s not the government’s fault, it’s our fault for not paying closer attention to who we elect as Local government chairman, State House of representatives, and the National Assembly. Don’t even get me started on the presidency and governors. 

Carry on, eat your rice, make sure you’re full. Hunger is coming like you’ve never seen. 

Mr President…Feel Better-ish 

Dear Mr President, 

Please if I have offended you I would like to apologise. It’s not good for us to be keeping malice like this. It’s not good for your health nor is it good for mine although it looks good for my bank account but that’s another story. 
It’s just that I’m worried, I have tried calling but Becky with the Hausa accent keeps answering. 
Then I thought maybe you were busy, that was till I heard you called some people and didn’t call me. Your special assistant on talkativeness and ramblings even said you called me a mischief maker. A whole me? A man of my status quo, a mischief maker? It’s not entirely wrong anyways. 

Uncle Bubu you have my number, call me…please…thank you, let’s know what kind of preparations to make, hopefully good ones. 

That being said, my bank account has informed me, to inform you that it would rather you continue as our away president. It appears the economy responds better in your absence. You have to understand it’s nothing personal, just economic laws of demand and supply, I have demanded for someone else and the lord has supplied. 

I just don’t want there to be animosity between us, nothing more. Have a pleasant recovery.
Signed 

The Federal Republic of Jollof

Is Something Not Wrong With You?

.Disclaimer: Every typo was left here intentionally

 

I’ve always believed you cannot fix a problem you don’t understand and this belief is particularly true when I think of my country. Today I have discovered a new problem with the state of our nation. The problem is you.

I have explained here that the last time the federal Ministry of education had a concrete plan for our schools was in 2006. Let’s assume for a moment that in 2006 our syllabus was at par with the knowledge base at the time, which it obviously wasn’t. Do you know how much knowledge has been discovered and refuted between 2006 and 2016? From all indications, there is currently no concrete economic plan for Nigeria, not in the short, long or medium term. Our economic plans revolve around whatever data IMF, World Bank and The US release. If Nigerian was a company, it would have no data of its staff, it would pay people with visitor tags as it should it’s employees and it would have no clearly defined organizational vision, goal or objective. Most importantly it would be filing for bankruptcy.

In case you have not been following the Venezuelan economic crisis, you should read it up here here because that appears to be the road we are following as the road to our recovery is still under construction.

This brings me to why you are the problem.

You are not ready and quite frankly do not deserve to run your own country. with nearly every natural and human resource in the world you have managed to turn a potential first world country to an actual third world country. Should I take it to the extreme I’d say a potential failed state. I get irritated when I hear young people say they aren’t interested in politics, I want to smack them in the head because it’s a civic responsibility for someone operating in a democracy. Democracy and self-governance is a HARD WORK and you are a pile of lazy bones.

You gave people power to make laws for you on the condition that should they mess up, you will mess them up. Instead you have defended their persons, excused their lack of polices, desired to emulate their lifestyle that they fund from money they stole from you. Ask yourself with all sincerity…”IS SOMETHING NOT WRONG WITH ME!?!”

So this is what I want you to do.

  1. Find the name of the senator and house of representative’s member from you’re your district. If they are on social media follow them, make sure you supervise them, find out what bills they supported what they opposed…SUPERVISE THEM!
  2. NEVER, EVER, EVER in your life vote for a man, woman or child without reading and dissecting the plausibility of their PUBLISHED manifestos. Don’t vote till you agree that their plans are good and implementable.
  3. ALWAYS HAVE AT LEAST ONE public policy issue that you are passionate about and make sure you follow up and speak up on it. It is imperative that you become vocal in the public space…you are not complaining, you are demanding for accountability! We got to this point because the people before you did not know how to sustain “complaints” on an issue. One of my public policy passion is education and youth development what is yours?
  4. PAY ATTENTION TO QUALITY CANDIDATES OUTSIDE QUANTITY PARTIES. Some of the best candidates have never entered office because they run outside the big fishes. This doesn’t mean all who do this are quality, neither does it mean all the people in the big parties aren’t quality. Refer to number two if you’re confused.

 

This NYSC of A Thing

I am mad as hell and I have come to venerate my vexations. A lot of people have refused to consult their mental faculties for common sense and I am here to force it on you. So, let’s talk.

Thirteen billion Naira.

That is the amount budgeted for NYSC 2016. I cannot verify if that covers the allowances throughout the scheme. I want you to go and calculate how many schools N13 Billion will either refurbish or build. Go and calculate how many teachers’ salaries it will pay, and how many salaries it will increase. Instead we put it in the NYSC.

But, that isn’t the end. There was a lot of debacle, earlier this year that the money wasn’t included in the budget but let’s cut the crap shall we? In addition to that money the Federal Government bailed out the NYSC when it couldn’t mobilize graduates and a few months later, the NYSC is again broke.

The NYSC says it can’t mobilize everyone so instead of postponing it’s going to give quotas. So, this is what’s going to happen, three quarters of everyone that graduated in July and  others who were due for mobilization will remain unemployed till Jesus comes again, because that’s about when the NYSC will stop being broke.

The argument is should NYSC be scrapped.

I beg your pardon, it’s not an argument. It defies every law of common sense and sound policy making that NYSC is still allowed to operate and I will tell you why.

Some people would like you to believe that the NYSC creates jobs and keeps people busy. The reality is that it doesn’t. Take the hundreds of thousands of Nigerian university graduates locally and in diaspora that have been sitting at home doing nothing waiting for the scheme. Their counterparts in more sensible countries are either already employed or are job hunting.

Because of placement, the scheme discourages recruiter’s from collaborating with universities to recruit this country’s best and brightest straight out of university. It also makes it near impossible to retain undergraduate and post graduate interns that have impressed. The thing is, NYSC delays the inevitable introduction into the labour market and a lot of people have misconstrued it to mean NYSC creates jobs. It doesn’t. It really just prevents people from getting employed because a university graduate is not employable without the NYSC certificate. We might as well skip university and go from NYSC to secondary school to NYSC.

Some others say NYSC unites us. It broadens our cultural understanding. See, if you want to broaden your culture, buy a damn bus ticket and do cross country and maybe write a book about it. We can’t be spending over N13 Billion a year to broaden your cultural understanding. If you don’t have money for ticket, go and sit and discuss with those Hausa men and women you buy stuff from. Till today we cannot repeal the Federal character from our constitution despite it’s overwhelming disadvantages because till now people aren’t comfortable enough to marry outside their tribes. Yet NYSC is unifying us. My friend take several seats. Dodo has done more to unite us than the NYSC.

What of the teaching corpers do?

I wonder when it became sane and normal to throw the future of our country into the hands of UNTRAINED and UNQUALIFIED youth because we are too lazy as a country to devise a proper teacher enrollment scheme. Where else is such nonsense practiced?

Consider something else, the government pays civil servants salary for work done, cash in exchange for productive service. How many corpers work in the civil service? It’s very possible that the government pays corpers for doing absolutely nothing beneficial to the government. Let’s assume it’s money in exchange for 4 days a month of community service, is it still community service if you get paid? Let’s also assume that it still would be community service if you get paid, but then, the quality of work to pay ratio is something no business in their right senses will ever do.

I can keep explaining these things in greater detail but quite frankly, I’m disappointed I even have to explain this to university graduates.

If you want NYSC for sentimental reasons, get it through your head that IT COSTS TOO MUCH, even when we aren’t in a recession. It is in our best interest as a nation if we do away with the NYSC.

Because I believe in sharing of information I will be entertaining counter-arguments in the comment sections.