Category Archives: Government And Politics

10 Things That Need to Be in The Nigerian Constitution

To whom to may concern,

PETITION FOR THE INCLUSION OF CERTAIN NECESSARY PROVISIONS IN THE NIGERIAN CONSTITUTION

Provision 1: Jollof at parties

We hereby request that the official party food be officially identified as Jollof Rice. Party planners are allowed the privilege of deciding the garnishments to accompany the Jollof. Party planners may also offer other forms of food. However, the ratio of Jollof to other meal types should be no smaller than ratio 5:1.

Also, all Jollof Rices must have evidence of the party flavour i.e bay leaf. Otherwise, it is considered to be in violation of the Jollof Rice law.

Provision 2: Meat at the end of the meal

The official order of meal consumption is every other food group first, protein last. Nigerians are not permitted to eat proteins in the beginning or in the middle of the meal. Such an act should be considered unNigerian and must be punishable by future protein deprivation.

Provision 3: If she vomits she is pregnant

Within the Federal Republic of Nigeria, it is vital that we recognize several means of pregnancy testing. However, the officially recognized pregnancy test which should be considered valid and admissions in the court of law is abrupt vomiting by any female who has reached the age of puberty.

Vomiting is an especially valid sign of pregnancy if it happens mid-sentence. Once a female within the specified age vomits, no further testing is necessary. The pregnancy is confirmed.

Provision 4: Don’t spend clean money

In our great republic, spending any naira note that is still “mint” should be prohibited. Should the case arise that a citizen has no other note in his/her possession, such a person has the right to go begging for dirty notes. Spending of new notes is not permitted under such circumstances.

New naira notes are only to be used for two purposes. First, for the purchase of new items of a high calibre. Second, new notes may be used when sprayed at wedding ceremonies. Any other use outside of this is to be a punishable offence.

Provision 5: Friyay Native Attire

Every Friday is a national holiday from the slavery that is Western clothing. Thus, all true citizens of the Federal Republic of Nigeria are to be clad in “trad”. Violation of this is to be tagged as mutiny and conspiracy to recolonize the country. Such a person is to be ostracized.

Persons exempt from this law are neighborhood lunatics and local law enforcement officials. Which, if we are being honest sometimes make it difficult to know the difference.

Provision 6: NEPA will take light if it rains

We request that in order to reduce the disappointment and hopefulness levels of the citizens of the republic, an official provision should reflect the following; During a thunderstorm or a drizzle, there will be a sustained power outage, which will only be resolved within 1 hour of the rains’ dissipation.

This law also applies to all areas within a 30km radius of where the rain is actually falling.

Other provisions for due consideration include:

  • Items in the market are worth half the original stated price
  • The official TV station at all banking halls is CNN
  • The freshness of a loaf of bread is to be verified by the act of squeezing said bread.
  • Indicator lights are not valid. One must “trafficate” with their hand or be ignored.

Thank you for taking your time to consider our petition. We are open to your feedback and criticism. The aim is to ensure that the constitution reflects the true nature of “We, the people”. If there are any additions you would like to make do let us know in the comment section below.

Until then, we remain the Ugotalksalot Initiative.

Yours Sincerely,
Princess of no Kingdom

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Let’s talk about Nigeria for a minute

If you have followed my blog for a while you will know that Nigeria is one of my favorite things to write about, and these days it has been very hard to do that. But I want to overcome the difficulty and talk to you about Nigeria.

What have Nigerian politicians done for some of you that you want to kill all of us because of them? Some of you are ready to kill another person because of Nigerian politicians, people you don’t know and don’t know you? Will it kill you to admit that Jonathan was a terrible president and that Buhari, is equally as terrible?  Will you die if you admit that APC is just as selfish and evil as PDP?

Even if you can’t admit it in public because of your over-inflated ego, surely you can do that in private?  Surely you can lock yourself up in your room and admit that this country is not working. We have been in a recession for so long that recession jokes have all become dry. Surely somewhere in your heart you know that whether you believe in APC or PDP, Nigeria is not working.

These things are fact, these things are crystal clear but instead of us to work together we are bickering over politicians who do nothing for us.

As at the writing of this, there has been 226 days in 2017 and President Buhari has spent at least 152 days in the UK. As far as 2017 is concerned our president is closer to a being a British citizen than he is to being a Nigerian citizen not to talk of Nigerian president. In that time, the economy has remained in the same toilet Buhari left it in, Nnamdi Kanu, first of his name, has gained enough man power to  start an actual army down south, Boko Haram are back like they never left up north and then ASUU unleashes a mass population of idle youths into a very chaotic scene. There is not much room for excitement to be honest and it is very depressing when you think about it.

I am not trying to scare you but I need you to know that, cliche and banter aside, Nigeria is falling apart and very soon something will give. We as Nigerians are standing in a room filled with gas and instead of looking for a way out we are hoping and praying nothing ignites a spark. We will not survive like this much longer, even if we do make it passed Boko Haram, a failing economy and Nnamdi Kanu in one piece, oil is going away and it’s never coming back, our population is exploding and there will be even less opportunities than there are now.

I want you to know that your children and my children will grow up in a Nigeria that is much tougher than it is now unless we stop that from happening and we are running out of time.

If you don’t know what to do to make a big difference, start from the little things. Vote for your conscience, vote for the man or woman with the best plan even if they don’t have a political party with huge cash. Follow the activities of your state governor, your state legislature, the national assembly, ask them questions, do not compromise your integrity and if you have none, get some. Keep your loyalty for your conscience and not any politician or political party. Don’t keep quiet, let your voice be heard, don’t let sincere ignorance stand and don’t suffer fools. Let your presence be felt.

Nigeria may have done nothing for you but she needs you. She needs you more than she knows it. Stay safe, stay smart, stay woke.

 

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The People Are Hungry, Well, Give Them Some Rice

None of the images used in this post are mine

A politician runs his campaign on promises that encompass everything in between the east and west. Promises as tall as the Eiffel Tower and grassroot oriented that they go as low as ocean beds. 

The politician comes into office and performs like as well as a castrated man in a brothel. He knows he or she needs to do the barest minimum to get re-elected or install the candidate of his/her choice. So he does exactly that, absolutely nothing. For 4 to 8 years they sit in the office commissioning boreholes and shabbily constructed roads, all the while touting their achievements like they’ve cured aids. 

Then the next election comes and all they do, all they need to do to win, is to share a few plates of rice, plastic forks spoons not included. And as expected they win. 
The brightest minds in Nigerian political analysis get on the air waves and tell us, whose futures have been mortgaged by over cooked rice, that the people are hungry. 

What damn people? The people aren’t hungry, they don’t need food, they need eye glasses and binoculars. They need goddam opticians. What they need to do is open those two holes right below their foreheads and see that they are starving themselves. 
We are on a hunger strike, a prolonged fast or whatever you want to call it. Every single time we put people in office that stop us from getting food, they give us the leftovers from the crumbs and we extend their unlimited subscription to our food, our national cake. 

WAKE UP PEOPLE! We can’t do this forever, Nigerians are dying and it’s not the government’s fault, it’s our fault for not paying closer attention to who we elect as Local government chairman, State House of representatives, and the National Assembly. Don’t even get me started on the presidency and governors. 

Carry on, eat your rice, make sure you’re full. Hunger is coming like you’ve never seen. 

Mr President…Feel Better-ish 

Dear Mr President, 

Please if I have offended you I would like to apologise. It’s not good for us to be keeping malice like this. It’s not good for your health nor is it good for mine although it looks good for my bank account but that’s another story. 
It’s just that I’m worried, I have tried calling but Becky with the Hausa accent keeps answering. 
Then I thought maybe you were busy, that was till I heard you called some people and didn’t call me. Your special assistant on talkativeness and ramblings even said you called me a mischief maker. A whole me? A man of my status quo, a mischief maker? It’s not entirely wrong anyways. 

Uncle Bubu you have my number, call me…please…thank you, let’s know what kind of preparations to make, hopefully good ones. 

That being said, my bank account has informed me, to inform you that it would rather you continue as our away president. It appears the economy responds better in your absence. You have to understand it’s nothing personal, just economic laws of demand and supply, I have demanded for someone else and the lord has supplied. 

I just don’t want there to be animosity between us, nothing more. Have a pleasant recovery.
Signed 

The Federal Republic of Jollof

Is Something Not Wrong With You?

.Disclaimer: Every typo was left here intentionally

 

I’ve always believed you cannot fix a problem you don’t understand and this belief is particularly true when I think of my country. Today I have discovered a new problem with the state of our nation. The problem is you.

I have explained here that the last time the federal Ministry of education had a concrete plan for our schools was in 2006. Let’s assume for a moment that in 2006 our syllabus was at par with the knowledge base at the time, which it obviously wasn’t. Do you know how much knowledge has been discovered and refuted between 2006 and 2016? From all indications, there is currently no concrete economic plan for Nigeria, not in the short, long or medium term. Our economic plans revolve around whatever data IMF, World Bank and The US release. If Nigerian was a company, it would have no data of its staff, it would pay people with visitor tags as it should it’s employees and it would have no clearly defined organizational vision, goal or objective. Most importantly it would be filing for bankruptcy.

In case you have not been following the Venezuelan economic crisis, you should read it up here here because that appears to be the road we are following as the road to our recovery is still under construction.

This brings me to why you are the problem.

You are not ready and quite frankly do not deserve to run your own country. with nearly every natural and human resource in the world you have managed to turn a potential first world country to an actual third world country. Should I take it to the extreme I’d say a potential failed state. I get irritated when I hear young people say they aren’t interested in politics, I want to smack them in the head because it’s a civic responsibility for someone operating in a democracy. Democracy and self-governance is a HARD WORK and you are a pile of lazy bones.

You gave people power to make laws for you on the condition that should they mess up, you will mess them up. Instead you have defended their persons, excused their lack of polices, desired to emulate their lifestyle that they fund from money they stole from you. Ask yourself with all sincerity…”IS SOMETHING NOT WRONG WITH ME!?!”

So this is what I want you to do.

  1. Find the name of the senator and house of representative’s member from you’re your district. If they are on social media follow them, make sure you supervise them, find out what bills they supported what they opposed…SUPERVISE THEM!
  2. NEVER, EVER, EVER in your life vote for a man, woman or child without reading and dissecting the plausibility of their PUBLISHED manifestos. Don’t vote till you agree that their plans are good and implementable.
  3. ALWAYS HAVE AT LEAST ONE public policy issue that you are passionate about and make sure you follow up and speak up on it. It is imperative that you become vocal in the public space…you are not complaining, you are demanding for accountability! We got to this point because the people before you did not know how to sustain “complaints” on an issue. One of my public policy passion is education and youth development what is yours?
  4. PAY ATTENTION TO QUALITY CANDIDATES OUTSIDE QUANTITY PARTIES. Some of the best candidates have never entered office because they run outside the big fishes. This doesn’t mean all who do this are quality, neither does it mean all the people in the big parties aren’t quality. Refer to number two if you’re confused.

 

This NYSC of A Thing

I am mad as hell and I have come to venerate my vexations. A lot of people have refused to consult their mental faculties for common sense and I am here to force it on you. So, let’s talk.

Thirteen billion Naira.

That is the amount budgeted for NYSC 2016. I cannot verify if that covers the allowances throughout the scheme. I want you to go and calculate how many schools N13 Billion will either refurbish or build. Go and calculate how many teachers’ salaries it will pay, and how many salaries it will increase. Instead we put it in the NYSC.

But, that isn’t the end. There was a lot of debacle, earlier this year that the money wasn’t included in the budget but let’s cut the crap shall we? In addition to that money the Federal Government bailed out the NYSC when it couldn’t mobilize graduates and a few months later, the NYSC is again broke.

The NYSC says it can’t mobilize everyone so instead of postponing it’s going to give quotas. So, this is what’s going to happen, three quarters of everyone that graduated in July and  others who were due for mobilization will remain unemployed till Jesus comes again, because that’s about when the NYSC will stop being broke.

The argument is should NYSC be scrapped.

I beg your pardon, it’s not an argument. It defies every law of common sense and sound policy making that NYSC is still allowed to operate and I will tell you why.

Some people would like you to believe that the NYSC creates jobs and keeps people busy. The reality is that it doesn’t. Take the hundreds of thousands of Nigerian university graduates locally and in diaspora that have been sitting at home doing nothing waiting for the scheme. Their counterparts in more sensible countries are either already employed or are job hunting.

Because of placement, the scheme discourages recruiter’s from collaborating with universities to recruit this country’s best and brightest straight out of university. It also makes it near impossible to retain undergraduate and post graduate interns that have impressed. The thing is, NYSC delays the inevitable introduction into the labour market and a lot of people have misconstrued it to mean NYSC creates jobs. It doesn’t. It really just prevents people from getting employed because a university graduate is not employable without the NYSC certificate. We might as well skip university and go from NYSC to secondary school to NYSC.

Some others say NYSC unites us. It broadens our cultural understanding. See, if you want to broaden your culture, buy a damn bus ticket and do cross country and maybe write a book about it. We can’t be spending over N13 Billion a year to broaden your cultural understanding. If you don’t have money for ticket, go and sit and discuss with those Hausa men and women you buy stuff from. Till today we cannot repeal the Federal character from our constitution despite it’s overwhelming disadvantages because till now people aren’t comfortable enough to marry outside their tribes. Yet NYSC is unifying us. My friend take several seats. Dodo has done more to unite us than the NYSC.

What of the teaching corpers do?

I wonder when it became sane and normal to throw the future of our country into the hands of UNTRAINED and UNQUALIFIED youth because we are too lazy as a country to devise a proper teacher enrollment scheme. Where else is such nonsense practiced?

Consider something else, the government pays civil servants salary for work done, cash in exchange for productive service. How many corpers work in the civil service? It’s very possible that the government pays corpers for doing absolutely nothing beneficial to the government. Let’s assume it’s money in exchange for 4 days a month of community service, is it still community service if you get paid? Let’s also assume that it still would be community service if you get paid, but then, the quality of work to pay ratio is something no business in their right senses will ever do.

I can keep explaining these things in greater detail but quite frankly, I’m disappointed I even have to explain this to university graduates.

If you want NYSC for sentimental reasons, get it through your head that IT COSTS TOO MUCH, even when we aren’t in a recession. It is in our best interest as a nation if we do away with the NYSC.

Because I believe in sharing of information I will be entertaining counter-arguments in the comment sections.

 

Useless Is A Country Determined To Destroy It’s Future

June 24, 2016,

 

I had been chasing the date for the past four years. It was the day I would finally finish school, have my own BSc and have all the tools needed to become my own person. I could now get a job and earn some money.  I was finally through with school (if you’re thinking masters, stop being a buzzkill)

 

So, I graduated and sat and waited, now I have to take it to the point of prayer because NYSC is broke. The dollar is biting them hard and although they serve no legitimate national purpose, and you technically can’t get employed without it, we still run the scheme, because that’s what we do in Nigeria, we run irrelevant things and bicker needlessly over the important.

 

NYSC, they say (we don’t know for sure because some numbskull decided history was not important enough to be taught in schools) was set up to promote national unity, after the civil war. Today, Nigeria still operates a federal character system because our unity is so fragile that if one ethnic group is perceived to even try and dominate the rest bombs will be going off everywhere.

 

Never mind that NYSC takes about 60%-80% (Once again I don’t know for certain since a collection of elderly people called the government decided not all gist is for the young) of our annual budget on youth development which is daft because NYSC doesn’t cover anything close to half of Nigeria’s youth on an annual basis.

 

But I digress.

 

The world economic forum says we have the worst primary education system in the world, we don’t even have half the quality of university education of Ghana. Yes, I said Ghana and it’s not okay. In case you have forgotten we sent Ghanaians packing and named cheap multipurpose bags after them just for the fun of it and now we’re the ones going to school in Ghana. We should all be crying and eating shawarma and then next year we go and set new records for mass failure but dollar is too high for that.

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So, let’s talk solutions. I wondered if the Federal Ministry of Education has a plan to fix our educational system and I checked. To my surprise, the last time the Nigerian Federal Ministry of Education had any plan for our system was when Oby Ezekwesili was minister in 2006. That was 10 years ago in case you misplaced your calendar and Obasanjo was still in power.

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Should you go through that 2006 education roadmap, you would notice where it was noted that prior to 2006, there was no plan for the primary education sector whether on paper or in someone’s imagination. As for the secondary and tertiary whatever plans that had been drafted prior to that time were still drafts. Nothing was being implemented, except the UBE.

 

To put things in perspective between 1960 and 2016, there has never been an even partially implemented long term plan for our educational sector in its entirety except for Obasanjo’s UBE scheme. What happened to Oby Ezekwesili’s plan you ask, well it went with her when she left office because we hate continuity.

 

At this point I’d like to say that if you’ve been head of state, president or prime minister of Nigeria, whether you are dead or alive, kneel down, close your eyes and raise your hands.

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This is so important because in a few decades we will be the 3rd largest population in the world, which means we would have the 3rd largest youth population and the 3rd highest school age demographic. This in turn means we would need the 3rd largest school system in the world.

 

Factor in today’s reality where we spend 60%-80% of our youth development budget on NYSC, and absolutely 0% on our education (just look at our schools do they look like they get money from government) how are we going to survive in the face of diminishing resources?

 

As it stands we already hold the Guinness book of records for the country with the highest number of out of school children with 10.5 million children also 40% of Nigerian children aged 6-11 do not attend any primary school. (I know this because foreign stats exist)

 

Essentially, the only active plan we have for our entire education system is Obasnjo’s 2004 UBE that was supposed to grant free education to primary and secondary school students. Problem is more than a decade later, It’s never been reviewed or improved but we’re content with using unqualified and untrained NYSC corpers to instruct the future of this country in the classrooms. This is the future 3rd most populous country in the world.

 

By the time we hit population overload, oil will be a lot less valuable than it is now, and if you think oil isn’t even valuable now, just wait till companies like Tesla starts mass producing, Uber starts using electric cars and everyone’s clean energy industries are up and running.

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And this is the really fun part, in an even fewer number of decades, the bulk of Nigeria’s political class that has been leading us since 1960, will all be gone. So they would have ruined our country while we fought over them and gave them grandiose burials.

 

Sometimes, I want to rewire my vocal cords to my chest so I can literally shout with my chest that we are sinking into deep shit, and because it’s not yet near our noses doesn’t mean it’s not going to smell.

It’s The Change That Caused It & Other Stories

The last time we bought rice was before the recession but we’re going to need to buy in the next weeks. The last time I checked bag costs N24,000, I don’t have the heart to check the current prices and neither does my mum and as I am writing this are considering buying from Benin Republic, we hear it is cheaper on the Cotonu side.

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I take a stroll out of the office to go and get a doughnut, I walk up to the seller, I tell him I’ll take two, I whip out a N100 bill and extend it to him, he looks at me and very gently nods his head in a way that most probably won’t even notice. He says he’s sorry but a doughnut is now N100, but he’ll give me two for N150. My heart sinks. I’m speechless and stare at him for a second before mumbling a request for one. I collect it and walk back wondering whether hunger isn’t better than a N100 doughnut with no jam. I poke my hand in the hole in sadness.

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I decide I need to change my phone case, it has run its race. I stop at a merchant where I get my reliably fake wires and cheap tech accessories. It’s at the entrance of a small mini-market on the way to my house. Narrowly enclosed by walls on each side, it’s like a passage way of sorts but unlike proper Lagos markets no one is grabbing you into their stalls. He shows me different cases and I settle on one. He says N1,000 and I immediately respond with N500 and the haggling begins. Eventually we settle at N800 and he begins to package it. He starts a conversation about how he would have given me at a cheaper price but that restocking is the problem as the economy would ensure he makes a loss. He looks at me, and tells me that before I never priced (haggled) him. He says “It’s the change that caused it”. I walk away

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Doesn’t he know that “The Change” doesn’t control the oil prices? That we were going to end up here whether we had a change or more of the same luck.

But does it matter? The prices of everything including sensible leadership has gone through the roof and our money has bored holes in our pockets and fallen to the ground. Who cares about bloody oil prices when rents due and salary hasn’t been paid since…A man does not even remember, a man has been broke for too long.

I hope everyone of us makes it out of this mess in one piece. I hope we learn our lessons, I hope we move forward. God help us all.

Will You Hold Your Lips!

 

“Will you hold your lips” is not a question, rhetorical or otherwise, you will a heavy price if you assume it is. Your lips will be taken off if you dare respond. Who do you think you are responding to such a non-questioning question? That by the way is also not a question for you to respond to.

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You don’t ask questions where I’m from. You don’t question your friends, if you do you’re not loyal. You don’t question your teachers except you want to see divine failure that surpasses all correct answers. You don’t question your government because you surely must be working for the opposition. You can’t question your parents except you want to be homeless.

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You dare not question God lest a reservation be made for your soul in hell.

I remember sitting in a regionalism class in school and a very senior lecturer refused to entertain even the remotest possibility that a Brexit could occur. Every question/debate/argument to the contrary the lecturer treated with disdain. We stopped asking and arguing with her, we didn’t want to fail. We wrote it like that in exam and we passed. Less than 3 months later, Britain decided to part ways with the European Union. We should have failed that exam.

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I remember my dad passing, my mum would scream “Why God!” They hushed her. Yell all you want but never question God, never ask him why. Even though the all-knowing God already knew the questions in her heart.

We are not allowed to ask questions and so we have killed our curiosity, we have killed our ability to learn and to be creative and to innovate. The only people we ask real questions to anymore are ourselves, the think-tank consortium in our minds.

In schools we no longer ask questions. We set out to review literature and the works of great minds but we start and end having only done a summary. So since 1960 our syllabus has stayed the same, our classrooms have had no new information since Ghanaians teachers left them and don’t even get me started on our libraries.

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Why are we so opposed to asking honest questions? We’ve been so determined to enforce respect that now our youths ask the questions without it and can you blame them, when they asked why is 1+1=2 with “Sorry Sir” they were either snubbed or told to take it as assignment.

When we asked “Pastor why is this so?” Pastor sprinkled us God’s blessings and told is in the words of Disney’s Frozen to “Let it go”.

I appreciate elders who respond with “I don’t know” to my questions. It’s okay to not know everything, its pride to pretend you do and it’s the intellectual genocide of a generation to refuse them the right to ask honest questions.

8 Things Young People Going Into Politics Need To Know

I’ve discovered that most of the young people aspiring for public office have zero clue how real politics works especially those who genuinely want to make a positive difference.

You see becoming the President of Nigeria was one of my many dreams and fantasies. But these days I’m not enthused by the idea of public office in Nigeria not to mention the presidency.

I hope to educate some of them so that we don’t keep repeating the problem where good people can’t get into political office. Also I think a lot of people aren’t in tune with some political realities that always characterize any political decision in Nigeria, whether good bad or neutral. So here are some of the things I think you need to know.

1.      It’s impossible to get into public office without cutting deals.
Well except it’s local government then it might be possible. The truth is if you’re going to make it into public office you’re going to cut deals with political devils, if you’re lucky a few angels, but you will cut deals none the less.

You’ll cut deals with Godfathers, fellow politicians, big money spenders, cabals, consortia and every political shareholder you can think off. You’ll exchange endorsements for appointments, award of contracts for campaign money, name it. It’s the nature of the business.

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The problem is there are deals that will leave you handicapped in office. On certain issues your past dealings will try to force you to look the other way and you’re torn between keeping your word and making more enemies. So be weary of what deals you make, think about the future and know what’s too much to risk.

2.      Balance of power is a pain in the arse!
In a democracy balance of power exists so that no arm of government becomes too powerful but it will come back to haunt you especially in Nigeria.

You will weep and feel real pain when you’re the President and the National Assembly won’t pass a gender equality bill, or a new wage bill, or a salary cut. You think it is a joke till you’re a governor and house of assembly wakes up and impeaches you for owning an illegal farm and the Supreme Court is not in the mood to speed up proceedings. All because they don’t like you.

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Maybe you’ll find yourself in the legislature and discover you’re the only senator with small sense. What do you do then, tweet or pad budget?

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3.      The Fact That You’re There To Make A Difference Is Enough Motive To Kill You.
You want to remove people’s daily bread and you think they’re going to sit down and watch you. The Nigerian political elite and the masses aren’t the same type of people. The elite know how to fight for their piece of cake and they fight hard.

I’ve always said this, anyone who wants to change a nation this messed up shouldn’t expect to come out of Aso Villa or any State House alive or with the complete set of family members that entered there with him.

Ordinary NFF and Oliseh was complaining his life was under threat. What do you think happens in the corridors of real power? My friend wake up!

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If someone’s not actively trying to kill you (which is almost impossible), the work load enough will change your life. That’s if you’re actually working anyway.

4.      Nigerians Are Your Greatest Enemies

Nigerians tell you they want a better country, but that’s about all they’ll agree on. If you appoint two Yourba people back to back Hausa’s will yell, two Igbo’s or Hausa’s back to back and everything won’t be a hit I assure you. But sometimes you have to appoint the most competent people even though people will throw all sorts of shade at you. If you get the job done well, they’ll shut up.

It’s bad enough we have an ethnic problem, combine it with religion and we have a nuclear weapon of self destruction. You must try to threat everyone fairly, trust your instincts and having your pastor or imam as your advisor isn’t always best except it’s your personal life.

Remember Islam isn’t terrorism, atheists aren’t the devil and Christians aren’t chief judges.

Also remember that a lot of times unfortunately rice wins elections over sound words. I’m not advocating you give out rice, but you need to be a person the people can touch and relate to, you need to be one of them, one of us.

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5.      Your Team

This is extremely hard. Once you have a bad team you’re done. If you want to make genuine change with them you might as well resign.

Hire competency above connections, and find the right balance when cutting deals so you don’t give out too many key positions to people you cut deals with.

Odds are your team is going to be 50-50, half the people there you genuinely wanted them, the other half are there because you owe people favors. Remember this when cutting deals.

It goes without saying that you need to pick a team of people you can work with but you also don’t need to be afraid to fire people, but don’t let it become habitual it shows lack of consistency.

One thing I must add though is make sure you don’t have a team of sycophants. Don’t be afraid to have one or two people who can be confrontational especially in closed doors, they keep you on your toes and walking the straight line they are also difficult to handle so you have to be smart about it.

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6.      Don’t Run for any office without knowing the state of the offices finance and human resources or having a plan to fix it.

I don’t need to say anything else.

7.      After all is said and done you can still be a disaster.

Sometimes things you never prepared for can and will happen. Like a sudden economic meltdown, insurgency, strike action from overlooked situations, natural disasters, scandals from the past. I mean there are a whole plethora of things that could make you’re time in office a disaster so prepare for the unexpected.

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8.      Watch your tongue on the campaign.

Don’t make promises you know you can’t keep. Don’t make promises without plans of action to achieve them. At the same time, don’t undersell yourself because your opponent will lie through their teeth.

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Avoid taking campaign low blows (I’m talking about legal ones) except they are extremely necessary but make sure you always have the dirt to use.

Lastly be prayerful, realistic and positive. Politics is a game with dire consequences. Keep your biases out of government houses. If you still need more knowledge on real politics, read up on Machiavelli, watch series like 24, House of Cards, Scandal, even Suits, and there’s this show on EbonyLife TV called The Governor. And for goodness sake, watch the news!

God bless Nigeria!