To: The Director, Country Allocation Department, Heaven

The Director,

Country Allocation Department,

33 Diamond Paved Street,

Abraham’s Bosom,



Dear Sir/Madam

I would like to formally complain as I believe with the strongest convictions that I was assigned to the wrong country and I would like to request for my country to be changed.

To be honest, it’s not like Nigeria is that bad. The country has some of the most intelligent, passionate and charismatic people to ever walk the face of the earth. The country also has so many natural resources and I am also aware that there are also worse places I could have been assigned to.

But Sir/Madam, I am very sure I was supposed to be assigned somewhere else. I suspect the angel that handled my allocation made a filing error. He was always easily distracted by his wings during the interview sessions, its not outrageous to say the same thing could have happened while he was filing my country placement.

This country is very odd. People just do things anyhow and get away with it. Our president has disappeared  and has decided not to talk to us. Some people say he’s doing Big Brother Nigeria and I am not saying that they’re correct but we do know that neither of them are in the country.

The citizens are also very weird. They voted a president almost two years ago, till today they are still fighting over who they voted. Talk about the pettiness. They treat each other like criminals, which makes sense since it’s a criminal offense to be poor and almost everyone is poor. The motto here is steal big or go home and wait for them to burn you with tire.

That’s how some South Africans have been beating up and killing Nigerians for no reason but Nigerians will still be giving MTN free money. Which makes no sense considering MTN is actually terrible. Then again, all the Telco’s are terrible. Nigeria takes that the turn the other cheek thing, that Moses said, too far. Every country just be slapping Nigeria on a steady. But can you blame them, we’re actually a problem and they are tired of us.

Someone once asked, what the Nigerian dream was and was told it is to go to the obodoyibo. That person wasn’t lying because till today even Aso Rock doesn’t have 24/7 electricity, not to talk of my fathers village in Imo state. Even last night, I slept and woke up sweating like a Christmas goat. I don’t know if Christmas goat’s  sweat but you get the point.

I am really just begging that at the very least you check my file to be sure I was assigned to the right country.

Thank you.



3 Replies to “To: The Director, Country Allocation Department, Heaven”

  1. 😂😂😂😂. Lool this is so hilarious and sad. Lord, help this country and also check my filing too I think me and ugo have similar issues. Thank you


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s