I’m Scared of Of The Future

I’m scared of growing up, of taking more responsibilities and taking more difficult decisions. I wasn’t always this scared, in fact I wanted to grow up, to be seen and treated as an adult and not a teenager. Looking back now, I wonder what I was thinking. 

I’m scared of getting married, of marrying the wrong person and living in hell sweet hell. I don’t want my marriage to be the intercessory prayer of my family friends and pastor. Even worse I’m scared I’ll be that incompatible, stupid and unfaithful spouse. I’m a man after all, as the women say it’s in our nature to cheat. I’m afraid I’ll wake up one day and realise I’ve become a real ‘man’. 

I’m terrified of having kids, of telling them to grow up on the words I said and not the things I did. I’m terrified that they will copy my weaknesses and my strengths won’t reflect in their lives. I don’t want to raise my voice too loudly or keep it mute. I don’t want to lie to my kids, or have to explain how “it’s complicated” because I don’t want them to see their mother and I tear the only world they know bit by bit.

Most of all, I’m horrified by the prospect of being left behind. I don’t want to be that classmate that everyone thinks of when they say “my mates can’t stand with me today.” I don’t want to be the shooting star that was shot down, the promising young man that was never fulfilled or the potential that never overcame inertia. I’m scared that one day I won’t be able to pick up the phone and call a friend without asking myself “see my life how did I get here?”

I don’t want to mess up the only life I’ve got, I’m scared that I just might but I can’t just give up? I most certainly can’t. But it doesn’t mean, I’m not scared. 

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12 thoughts on “I’m Scared of Of The Future”

  1. The first part is being scared of what the world expects of you.
    How they expect you to behave, what you are expected to do.
    I believe once you get past “conforming” to what is expected of you…
    Once you get past putting other people’s thoughts before yours…
    The fear goes. You feel comfortable in any decision you make or how your life turns out, because YOU made your own decision.

    Timely article! Nice piece!
    Me I am scared of getting married to the wrong person 😰😰

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  2. Very apt. The hype about growing up was sooo much, I wish I’d taken time to appreciate my younger days. Of course I’m still so young, but time IS flying. Now reality is dawning on us, life is getting more complicated, relationships are standing the test of time and it really doesn’t get easier. Nonetheless, I love my life and will keep on living. Because, of course, Life was meant to be lived.

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  3. I can so relate. I was just discussing with a friend yesterday about my fears in life. I got to understand that these fears can actually prevent us from taking strps(risks), and risks make up life because whatever decision we make is a risk with +ve or -ve outcomes. But not taking those risks is not living life at all… I am tired of all the ‘what ifs’ that may go wrong, I mean we just got 1 life to live, so why stay scared and remain in my comfort zone? Those fears just inspire me to take those great steps even if I stand a chance of failure, because there also is a chance of success… Keep the fire burning 🔥 Ugo…

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  4. I was running under the rain to get home quickly wen I saw 3 little tiny kids playing joyously and it sparked up this exact thought, also if I am growin up too fast

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  5. That “left behind ” feeling occurs to me the most, especially nowadays when my mates are writing final papers while I pray my school doesn’t go on yet another strike. But I know I’ve grown…in my own way. So I ignore that fear and work hard to bridge any existing gaps I see. God help us all.

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