Nigeria Is Not Your Friend 

Nigeria is not your friend. She will not hold your hands and encourage you when you’re down. She’s not there for hugs or life advice. Nigeria doesn’t care if your relationship is on cloud nine or if fuel prices made the mainland-Island relationship more complicated, it’s really none of her business. Nigeria most certainly does not care if you cannot afford the living a comfortable life, after all when your mates were turning into Dangote what were you doing? Those that discovered oil well under their property do they have two heads?

Nigeria is more like your evil gym instructor. She’s here for the yelling, the trash talking, randomly adding weights and pushing you beyond your capacity. She doesn’t like you and she’s making it perfectly known that her only ‘concern’ with you is to build your endurance and tests the limits of your patience. She will push you to the very edge of the cliff and if you’re not careful, you will lose your mind. 

You could also say Nigeria is like that mean teacher, giving the syllabus and handouts and never teaching anything but expects you to write an exam, but of course you know nobody will get an A. 

Nigeria is like an angry judge, making a big deal out of every tiny infraction. 

Drove over the speed limit? “Life time in bad road prison!”

Ate too much rice and stew? “6 months in overpriced tomato penitentiary!”

Used your generator and disturbed the neighbours? “Indefinite time in fuel scarcity rehabilitation centre!”

Browse too much? “Life time community service in poor network town!”  
Nigeria isn’t for the faint of heart or the weak. She isn’t even for the strong willed or the strongest of the human race. She’s simply for Nigerians. Because only Nigerians will understand the madness of living in Nigeria. From its crazy citizens to its governments who never seem to get anything right except simplifying the procedures for the rich to become richer at the expense of the poor. 

Like I said, Nigeria isn’t your friend, but you should know that already. 
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