The break was somewhat uneventful. I mean yeah, yeah Christmas chicken (that I had to labour over) and carols and family outings (that I am getting too old for). But besides that not much else.
Well except one day. One fateful Thursday. A lot happened that Thursdays. That day I met both Tobi vibes and Tosan vibes. I also met my daddy.
So my friend is a DJ. She said I should come along with her to a wedding. Just for moral support or whatever (actually, no… it was because she knew I was boredliosis at home). So I went, sat with her throughout. Only getting up occasionally to hunt for future baes (eventually, the ones that I ended up meeting tracked me, not the other way around). It was a Yoruba wedding (Ijebu in fact), so I was very careful, before I go and step on one Yoruba demon’s tail. Actually, there was this very beautiful, very single male creature there plenty girls were blocking him enh…
FYI; If you are single, attend weddings. You’ll thank me later.
So anyway, I was sitting with my DJ friend nau… the DJ set up beside the band. They encountered a problem; there was no power for their equipment. Apparently, the couple had paid for the hall, but not power….I don’t even know how that makes sense. So those running the hall were demanding the DJ and the band pay them. Which of course wasn’t going to happen, so my friend went to look for a relative of the couple. She found the groom’s elder brother.
ENTER Yoruba Demon.
Fine looking man. In his mid 30s. In the Yoruba demon attire. You know, the white agbada, clean hair cut with his iPhone 6 plus and Rolex. And a wedding ring on his finger.
I was on my own and this fine trailer came to jam me.
So he paid off the electricity stuff, with fresh #1000 notes (fresh and minty like tom tom) and started chatting up me and my friend. But she had told me about him earlier, he was apparently a big somebody in my church, so I was all polite and respectful
He was so nice; got me and my friend two servings of food (I didn’t even finish the first one). Kept checking on us once in a while. At one point, I noticed he wasn’t wearing his ring anymore.
Spidey senses began to tingle
He kept going and coming back, till at some point he says to my friend, “I like what you are doing (the DJing), I would like to invest in you. Can I get your number? And your friend’s number”. Yeah I gave him, with my church mind. I swear, I wasn’t expecting anything.
So after the wedding, I checked my phone; Yoruba demon; 3 missed calls.
He called me again. I was in the car so he said I should let him know when I have “some privacy”
Okay, okay, spidey senses, calm down. Shey no be ordinary phone call?
Well, anyway the spirit of God ministered to me, I didn’t call him back at all. But then I like trouble, so I sent him a text message around 11pm the next day and made sure to call him “sir” and be very respectful.
5 seconds later; reply entered my phone
“I couldn’t stop thinking about you sweetie. I was really hurt when I didn’t hear from you all day. Is this platform safe? There’s something I need to talk to you about”
At this point, those Nollywood sounds that warn you of danger were playing in my head.
I didn’t reply him till morning. I said, it was safe that what did he want to talk to me about. Shortly after; Incoming call: Yoruba Demon
YD; Hi swearie, how are you doing
Me; Good morning. I’m fine. What’s the matter? What do you need to talk about?
YD; Babe, in fact, I’m really confused. I don’t know what to do. I just can’t stop thinking of you. As I am now, it’s just as if I should disappear and reappear in your presence. I just want to be with you right now. I mean, through out yesterday. I basically waited by the phone. I really wanted to hear your voice but you didn’t contact me all day so I decided to respect you and give you your space but it was very difficult. I mean I haven’t eaten and I didn’t sleep last night, waiting for your reply…
Me; ummmm….. I’m not sure how to respond to this
YD; Swearie, I’m saying I want to be with you… Are you married?
Me; No…. are you?
YD; Babe, I don’t want to lie to you; I am, but I know we can work it out
So at this point, I considered actually letting things go their course. I mean, wait it out see how it goes. Maybe daddy will buy me iPhone 6 before asking for sex. But the spirit of God in me… prevailed, unfortunately.
Me; Oh in that case, we shouldn’t be having this conversation
YD; What do you mean baby?
Me; You just said you are married. I can’t be with a married person
YD; Okay, so it’s a no-go for you?
Me; Yeah , I’m sorry I can’t
YD; Alight I’m still glad I met you. I respect your decision. I hope you change your mind and call me.
So my dear friends, the moral of the story is; Lightskin get jazz.