My previous post on being a singular pringular is not a true representation of my feelings on the matter. Sometimes, “Princess of No Kingdom” is simply a persona I put on for the purpose of entertainment.
So don’t go getting any ideas.
I’m still very lightskinned in the dms.
Alright, Moving on …
So I was talking with a friend of mine Muyiwa about 2015 and how the kind of pepper this year showed me has made me a whole lot wiser.
I’ve technically only dated one guy. Also technically I’ve had three “boyfriends”. Well not all three were this year. I’m not some sort of serial monogamist. But you know after all the hits and misses, I finally think I know what I want.
Based on my experience, I’ve classified guys into giving off 3 types of vibes that will determine their bae potential. It’s not an exact science, but I want to share. I think I’ve come up with a pretty helpful system. I’ve named the 3 vibe catergories after my 3 “ex-boyfriends”
- TOBI VIBES
I know what you are expecting, some supernova Yoruba demon. Like the boss in all those games that are the most difficult to defeat. Instead, this my Tobi is super sweet and super sensitive. He very conscious about the way he lives his life and tries to act the way the scripture expects and that doesn’t make him boring either. He’s so intelligent, has a unique sense of humour, he’s very driven and opinionated and honest.
Basically, reverse Yoruba demon
Tobi is an all or nothing guy. If he isn’t into it, there’s nothing you can do.
Initial signs of Tobi vibes
- Tries to get to know you first as a friend, without any hidden agenda
- Brings up profound topics to weigh your opinion (can range from scripture to feminism)
- Doesn’t only text; when things are getting comfortable, he’ll call often
- Is open about himself and what he wants
Why is Tobi an “ex-boyfriend” if he’s so amazing? Two words dear; Long. Distance.
- TOSAN VIBES
Signs that bobo has Tosan vibes
- Totally good looking, totally mysterious
- Difficult to read
- Intelligent; intimidatingly so
- He’s a carpe diem , life’s-too-short, let’s-live-in-the-moment kind of guy
- He’s very indifferent about a lot of things so when he shows you attention you feel special
- Some topics that make him a bit defensive; the future, God, showing up on time!
The awesome thing about Tosan vibes is that you’re never bored. If he likes you, he will figure out ways to keep you excited and interested. You’ll feel really close to him. Like dating your best friend. And if you are into intelligent guys, then you’ve found heaven.
Tosan ‘s attention can make you compromise, if you are not strong willed. And when Tosans lose interest or decide to detach from you, you won’t see it coming baby. All that mysteriousness that you liked about him, will come and bite you in the ass.
Plenty words are enough for the wise
- DOZIE VIBES
First thing about Dozies is that they are not satisfied with the names that God gave them. Dozie will call himself Dozzzy, Banji will call himself B.J, Solomon will call himself Solsmarts.
Dozies are bold. Like those guys that will pester you till you give them your pins.
Lol, his beard game deceived me mehn. He went to trim it one time and I’m like “who that?”.
Signs that you have a Dozzzy on your hands
- Can approach you anytime anywhere
- Showers you with attention
- He’s really sensitive and emotional
- Dozzy can become your ubertaxi if he has a ride
- Takes you out, shows you off to his friends
- Wants you to be familiar with his family
- Agrees he needs to change some things about himself, makes a lot of excuses for himself
- Always finds ways to remind you directly or indirectly that “I am a man”
Dozies want you, are even grateful to have you. But you need to understand, he’s very serious. You for the long term and he won’t back off easily, you can’t just break up with him and walk away. He will use all his emotional black mail powers. Be careful.
Like I said, it’s not an exact science. Guys can be a mix of two or all. Some might not even fit into any at all (Extra terrestrials such as Ugotalksalot). But for me, experience has taught me to sit down and wait for Tobi vibes to come along.
Can’t allow experience to be teaching me harsh lessons in 2016, it’s time to be wise.
Girls, may your bae be a Tobi and guys may the Tobi in you spring forth.
Better say amen.
When Tobi reads this, his black face is going to blush green. Sorry Tosan and Dozie; I’m entitled to my opinion.