Our Complicated Relationship With Boko Haram As Gleaned from GEJ

In the Begining Boko Haram were our brothers that we knew, shortly after, they became distant relatives that were invisible and would not sit down for family talks after they started killing thousands of our other brothers and sisters for reasons we do not know. 

Some say that Uncle Buhari orchestrated Boko Haram behind the scenes to kill of our other siblings so that Mummy Nigeria would take back the inheritance from Uncle Jonathan and Aunty Mama Peace and give it to Uncle Buhari. Then Boko Haram tried to kill Uncle Buhari and for a second we briefly doubted if he was part of them and wanted to clear his name or he had lost control or he was actually just a victim. 

Other family members say Uncle Jonathan may have decided to kill all the Northern members of our family with Boko Haram so that he could retain inheritance from Uncle Buhari who has been trying had to get it. But we doubt Uncle Jonathan’s ability to pull of such a complicated genocidal scheme. 

As our family feud progressed, the head of our Boko Haram brothers was locked up in Everlasting kirikiri Prison by the Hell Fire Police department of Nigeria following the report of Uncle Jonathan. Now the HFPD cannot verify if Uncle Shekau is free or in prison because he is invisible and due to austerity measures caused by falling oil prices they don’t have enough money to buy the latest Invisible lens CCTV. 

Anyway so Uncle Jonathan signed a cease fire with our invisible brothers but he’s not quite sure they signed because apperantly invisible ink doesn’t show on visible paper, who knew? But immediately after ink was put to atmosphere, Boko Haram started killing again. 

To cut the long story short, 2,000 people might be dead, 30,000 people may be displaced but we aren’t sure because Uncle Jonathan was never good at keeping count and apperantly his not good at sympathising. 

So here I am, looking at the current state of my family with no power besides my Twitter and blog (maybe Facebook) asking you to tell me what to do about my family because I’m depressed.

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