True Story About A Fake Nigerian President

Benjamin becomes the president of Nigeria after an election marred by irregularities. He tells his conscience not to be overly concerned that it’s the way the system works and he is going there to change it. 

From his first day he is focused and is determined to realise his transformation/change/whatever agenda. He wants to build roads, encourage multinational companies to invest in Nigeria, improve security and the standard of education and above all provide stable electricity. He decides to pick his cabinet, but his political part brings a list and askes him to choose from there.

When he starts with the roads, the minister of works askes him to award Speed of Life Constriction International the contract and so he does, after all the minister is an expert. The roads are never finished and those that are finished were poorly done because Speed of Life construction is owned by the ministers best friend Alhaji Bot-belly, an incompetent man whose company should not even be given a trunk-c road to build.

President Benjamin, abandons the roads and moves to encourage multi-nationals to invest in Nigeria but to do this, he must improve security, so he borrows money from IMF and calls it Excusegency Security Fund. There those in charge of security begin to take a little of the top from the account till they reach the bottom. Meanwhile the security problem is getting worse, security personnel are loosing moral, multinational companies are less interested in investing in Nigeria and all the president can do is to strongly condem in statements that should be strongly condemned. 

By this time the president is fighting with the opposition party who just make noise from morning to night and blame the president for their lost voice. He is fighting win his state governors because all they want is federal allocation. At this point he decides to tackle electricity. Suddenly the party chairman walks into his office unannounced to tell him they Chief Mazuka-NEPA Bring The Light, who is coincidentally a heavy investor in the party gets his money from generator imports and as such does not want there to be good electricity. 

President Benjamin, already completely frustrated by the system and people around him decides to bring them down with a new anti-corruption agency called WTTCBNC (we take to court but never convict). This agitates his party members in the legislature who beginning to call for his resignation or impeachment on grounds of gross incompetence. The even accuse him of using WTTCBNC to launder money. 

President Benjamin, overcome by the Nigerian palava, sits down in his office and calls the accountant general. He tells him to take money from the Excusegency Security Fund and by him a Lamborghini and houses in London, Carlifonia and Brussels. He tells the accountant general to also feel free to use what’s left when he is done. The accountant general askes him about the fort coming elections and President Benjamin tells him to collect money from external reserves and label it INEC will never touch this fund. He also instructs a special bonus for the Legislature. 

Years later President Benjamin leave office and writes a book about the qualities of a great Nigerian president, a memoir of his time in office. The only thing is, the entire book is completely fake and poorly written. 

P.S. This Article was intentionally unedited to convey the confusion in Nigeria.


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