The Most Lucrative Profession In Nigeria


People change jobs dominantly for comfort amongst other reasons. People suffer through school to earn a glorified piece of paper so that they make good money. It’s natural, it’s the desire to survive. So, when frustrations set in because no headway has been made and money isn’t coming we begin to look for the money making professions and delve into them. 


Mr. Bayo studied law when it was ‘in the money’ ended his practice and became a civil servant when civil service was all that, he became a banker but in 2007 when recession hit, he left the banking sector. When entrepreneurs started popping up everywhere, Mr. Bayo started his own business because he perceived entrepreneurship to be the most lucrative profession eventually he died dead broke a few years later.


Why? My answer is simple, because he was not a politician. 


I think subconsciously we have been inoculated with is idea that politics is where the money is and that is true, politics is where the money is. I heard an aspiring music artiste once say that if in two years he doesn’t make it in the music industry he is moving on to politics. Now that is a ‘smart’ man. He knows the easiest way to make it in life is if you sit on the board of a committee in the National Assembly or state assembly and just open your arms wide, the money will run to you. It’s absolutely stress free. Besides you show up to the assembly when you like after all the houses are almost always empty. 


If you are a diligent man, you could really work hard to ‘make’ some extra money especially if you are a member of the executive. Make sure to always analyse the budgets properly and make notes as to where you can appropriate some money into your off shore accounts, think if it as pension and compensation for all your ‘suffering’.


You can show up to work around 12 and leave by 2 if you are a member of the executive, the only thing that can put sand in your garri is all the ‘meetings’ and releasing of statements. Anyway you can hire aides to do that besides if you hire enough aides you will be reducing unemployment. Just make sure you are smart in assigning portfolios. Assign to one, ‘Special aide on media and publicity’ then to another, ‘special adviser on media and publicity’ then ‘chief adviser on media and publicity’ and most importantly ‘Chief Spokesperson’ and ‘Special Spokesperson’. Don’t worry nobody will be able to tell that they are all doing the same thing and that is to talk. You need all the media coverage you can get. 


As far as campaigning goes if I am to take a page from Machiavelli, you must lie to the people. Lie, lie and lie again. If you get caught, lie. If your lies are obvious come up with a better lie. Tweet lies, release deceitful statements make up the most comprehensive set of deceitful promises you can and call it a manifesto. Get someone who knows how to trash talk and make him your campaign manager. You need people to attend your rallies so you may need to discuss that with your banker. Most importantly, on the campaign trail your godfather has to big the biggest there is, in the biggest party there is.


One might ask why politics is so lucrative. It’s simple. It’s because you get to determine you salary, your allowances, your bonuses and there is no shortage of money to do it. Take for example the budget that comes back from the National Assembly is always more than the that which went in, why because the ‘good’ leaders of this nation feel that the best budget is a deficit budget with more money for paying salaries than for building the nation. 


I wonder why there isn’t a course or subject on becoming more of a politician than a political analyst. Maybe they should call it ‘polisology’ or political administration or political engineering or something like that.


Having said that, I wish I could tell you that most of the people that went into politics went there for the good of the nation. Many of them were just innocent Nigerians looking for a way to make ends meet before they hammered. That’s why Nigeria has bad leadership, because our politicians have always been people trying to make their ends meet instead of making our ends meet. I really don’t think politics was designed to be a last resort when all else fails. It’s for people with heart. People with overbearing empathy for their fellow Nigerians, people with a desire to bring positive change.  


Dedicated to the Late Dora Akunyili.


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