Akpo: Men and Our Inner Perverts

Dear Akpo,

I sometimes wonder why Adam wasn’t able to tell eve ‘no’ when she offered him the apple. I wonder, if it was the other way round would Eve say no.

Men right from time have been disappointing. We have this libido that drives us pass the point of all logic and morality, we sometimes call it the devil. Calling it the devil is not entirely wrong, because sometimes it drives men to demonic lengths and for no just cause.

How else does one explain a man with a 25 year old marriage with numerous bodily fruits deciding to pick another wife? Then another. Then another. Very soon there is a whole community that is the spawn of one man. One would think such things don’t happen in the church, apparently it happens more inside than it does outside. I wonder how many children know that their fathers cheated or still cheat on their mothers. I wonder how more woman aren’t arrested for spousal murder, how they take such emotional torment is beyond me. Marriage is even too far an example. Only God knows how many men double date. Only God knows how many men service protistutes even when they are dating. Let me not even enter the family boxing night that happens evey Friday. 

Other times it’s not a mans libido that pushes him to such extreme lengths. Sometimes it’s the lack of financial providence. We sometimes call it hunger. No doubt the bible calls money a defence, the bible says a poor mans voice is never heard. It’s not a lie just ask your gateman for tips on running your business, then ask Dangote.

It’s such insatiable hunger that causes a man to sacrifice his mother many years after his 9 month lease of her womb runs out. It’s that kind of abdomen crunching, head aching, leg wobbling hunger and world spinning that causes a man to pick up a gun and kill someone’s newly wed husband, someone’s unborn child and another’s daughter after all “body no be wood”. This hunger is also called the economy. 

The economy we cannot see nor touch, neither can we persuade for better treatment. It’s the same economy one person sits on somewhere in Abuja while his grandfathers schoolmates die on the pension line.

Sometimes we men become so bored and aimless that we try drugs and alcohol. We want to enjoy the trips. That feeling is nice despite the fact we look like the most profound elements of idiocity God ever conceived of in his infinite mind. As our eyes turn red and our brain shuts down we are suppose to forget the worries of the world, but we remember we are famished and have no money. Or wait we did have money but we just spent it in the pharmacy store. The wine was suppose to drench our sorrows but it only gave us the courage to be pompous bird brains as we confront the problems in the most stupid of ways. And so one bottle flies. A punch connects with a check bone and everyone joins in the frenzy to show their selling points.

I sometimes think of the men who died in the Biafran war and those who passed on in the wake of the boko haram Insurgency, whether we should have taken their places. Maybe they would have contributed more to the world if they survived since we only contribute in depleting the ozone layer with our gross stupidity.

Your Uncle, 
Ugo Talks A lot .

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