Childhood Stupidity

One day while licking orange, I swallowed the seed. I asked my mummy what would happen and she said the seed would germinate, I was so scared that if I had anything to will out I would have written my last will and testament as I waited for a tree branch to come out of my nose.

I have always been fascinated by wrist-watches and rings so one day I took my daddy’s wedding ring to school, I must have been in primary one. When my parents came to pick me at closing, I wanted to buy the fan yogo drink. While I was hustling for the sellers attention, the ring fell and I couldn’t find it. I was so scared my parents would divorce and in my mind I would become an orphan, I don’t know why I thought it but I did. 

We had this desktop and I was so fascinated by it that I was always on it. One day as I was perusing the operating system I discovered what I thought to be the internet. I would send emails and wonder why I never got any replies. I would spend hours looking for keys on the keyboard so I could finish the database of all my friends houses and phone numbers. Later I would find out that it was just Microsoft outlook. 

Yes I did want to enlist for the kids next door after I watched the cartoon. 

For some reason I believed the bigger your cranium the duller you were. It was not my fault everyone I knew with a big cranium was dull. So I would always use my hand to measure mine just to be sure I wasn’t getting duller. 

I had absolutely no idea where babies came from neither did the question ever come to my mind. It simply just never occurred to me that babies came from somewhere or rather something. 

Everyday till I was 10, I was formally dressed. Even my T-shirts would be tucked in. I wanted to be a pastor and a pastor must wear a suit. It’s just that my suit was a jean jacket on a jean trouser with socks and canvas. 

At one point in my life I thought the entire universe was a giant conspiracy to trick me. I thought other countries didn’t exist and everyone just wanted to deceive me. I even thought people I had never seen before we’re fake and part of the grand deception. 


4 Replies to “Childhood Stupidity”

  1. Lol see funny childhood experiences,I blived dat swallowing seed story too and my mum always told us if yhu dnt finish ur spag or indomie dey would turn to worms!!so we ate dem all…


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