domestic violence

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I bump into my ex-boyfriend
of four-and-a-half years 
at the grocery store
and he tells me he’s learning
how to bake the perfect cheesecake
so he can surprise his new girlfriend.
I bump into my ex-boyfriend
at the local cafe,
and in three days time
we would’ve been together for six years 
had he not raised his hands at me
instead of his voice.
In the game of catching up
the mouse shows this cat
he’s practicing how to draw a portrait sketch
so he can surprise his new girlfriend.
I bump into my ex-boyfriend
and my best friend of 
seven years,
while having lunch at a McDonald’s.
He tells me he’s saving up for a plane ticket
so he can surprise his new girlfriend.
While we laugh over drinks
I jokingly say,
“You never did any of 
those things for me!”
He shrugs, like he can’t be 
bothered with a reply.
And I know though I have forgiven him,
he still does not respect me.
I’m trying to convince myself
there’s nothing wrong with me,
but it’s hard to believe I won’t end up alone
when even the lowlife who abused 
my wrists for two years decides 
I’m not worth his patience, effort, or time.”

It Was My Fault | Sade Andria Zabala (xpsycho)

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2 thoughts on “domestic violence”

  1. It sounds like another cliche “easier said than done” things, but completely cutting him out of your life would help immensely. I can’t begin to tell you the things I went through with my ex. The worst involving a miscarriage and him telling me to “man up” when I was crying from the shock and pain. He is the one that actually stopped all contact with me. At the time I know I tried everything to STILL be with him and talk to him. Him stopping all communication was the best thing in the end, though I wish I was the one that had done it. It took several months of me crying in bed all day to get over thing but I can honestly say this is the happiest I’ve ever been. It might seem like an eternity but it’s worth it. Thanks for writing this, and I hope you can find happiness, alone and/or with someone. You absolutely deserve it.

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