Akpo! Before You cheat on Her

Dear Akpo,

Your Aunty Tejiri sends her greetings, she is still on official assignment but she will be back soon. However she has tasked me with another mission to you which of course is the premise for this letter. She has mandated me to talk to you about women, especially your girlfriend Tobi. Akpo, I do not claim to have an indepth erudition about women, far from it. I consider myself in many respects a feminine novice. Regardless I am not completely benighted with regards to women. You see, women were designed to be the most complicated puzzle for any man to unravel and as a matter of fact a man that thoroughly understands the heart of a woman is a man that has conquered the world.

Akpo I have neither met nor spoken to Tobi before but judging by your taste in women which I have witnessed first hand I believe she must be a beautiful and worthy companion. I personally believe that God almighty gave every woman a patience that no man gains naturally. I have seen the power of a woman in love. A man in love may move mountains but a woman in love will move the world if necessary.

I remeber one of Tejiri’s university friends, who coincidentally was my course mate, I think his name was Charles. Charles used to date one of the most beautiful girls in school but he frequented prostitues notoriously  throughout the period he dated this girl because she would not have sex with him. Charles’ philosophy was that if you dated any girl that didn’t give satisfaction to your libido, you should seek satisfaction elsewhere. Akpo! If you do that to Tobi, God will surely send fire on that head of yours. Faithfulness is paramount! Akpo, don’t tell her you have stopped drinking when you haven’t stopped yet! I know because you keep maxing out your debit card at the liquor store! Be truthful! She may not like it but she cannot deny that there are few men like that. 

 Akpo every woman needs attention but not to the detriment of her independence or space. The rule is be there not everywhere. Akpo at this stage in your life as well as Tobi’s, I believe she is looking for a man who is developing rapidly and not a boy who needs baby sitting. Please Akpo, grow up! Nowadays men are just figure heads in relationships and even marriages, the ladies do all the work, a significant number of wives across the world make more money than their husbands. An alarming number of women after they have been impregnated by the love of their lives have found themselves inbetwixt rejection and dispair because the man was too irresponsible, moronic and selfish to stick around. Akpo you need to start becoming a man because you will soon graduate and if all goes well, I will be getting a wedding invitation from you and Tobi in a few years but I hope you know that you will not feed Tobi on love neither will you clothe her with your CV.

I also have a word for Tobi and if you will be kind enough to deliver my venerations it will be much appreciated. Since Tobi is not married to you, neither is she sleeping with you, nor is she feeding or financing you or even putting a roof over your head, the only platform for your relationship is her emotional attachment to you. Akpo, let Tobi know that You do not date a guy and crush on another guy when you have no intention of leaving the guy you are dating! It is the begining of unfaithfulness! If you cannot be 100% emotionally committed in ordinarily adolescence dating, how does one remain financially committed during marriage? How does one remain committed to the children? The sacred bible says it is little foxes that spoil the vine. Enough said.  

I have lots more to tell you but the plantain I left on fire requires urgent attention, actually my stomach requires urgent attention. Once again, please faithfulness, truthfulness and attention are very important in maintaing your relationship.

Your uncle, 
Ugo Talks A lot. 



2 Replies to “Akpo! Before You cheat on Her”

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