10 Things That Need to Be in The Nigerian Constitution

To whom to may concern,

PETITION FOR THE INCLUSION OF CERTAIN NECESSARY PROVISIONS IN THE NIGERIAN CONSTITUTION

Provision 1: Jollof at parties

We hereby request that the official party food be officially identified as Jollof Rice. Party planners are allowed the privilege of deciding the garnishments to accompany the Jollof. Party planners may also offer other forms of food. However, the ratio of Jollof to other meal types should be no smaller than ratio 5:1.

Also, all Jollof Rices must have evidence of the party flavour i.e bay leaf. Otherwise, it is considered to be in violation of the Jollof Rice law.

Provision 2: Meat at the end of the meal

The official order of meal consumption is every other food group first, protein last. Nigerians are not permitted to eat proteins in the beginning or in the middle of the meal. Such an act should be considered unNigerian and must be punishable by future protein deprivation.

Provision 3: If she vomits she is pregnant

Within the Federal Republic of Nigeria, it is vital that we recognize several means of pregnancy testing. However, the officially recognized pregnancy test which should be considered valid and admissions in the court of law is abrupt vomiting by any female who has reached the age of puberty.

Vomiting is an especially valid sign of pregnancy if it happens mid-sentence. Once a female within the specified age vomits, no further testing is necessary. The pregnancy is confirmed.

Provision 4: Don’t spend clean money

In our great republic, spending any naira note that is still “mint” should be prohibited. Should the case arise that a citizen has no other note in his/her possession, such a person has the right to go begging for dirty notes. Spending of new notes is not permitted under such circumstances.

New naira notes are only to be used for two purposes. First, for the purchase of new items of a high calibre. Second, new notes may be used when sprayed at wedding ceremonies. Any other use outside of this is to be a punishable offence.

Provision 5: Friyay Native Attire

Every Friday is a national holiday from the slavery that is Western clothing. Thus, all true citizens of the Federal Republic of Nigeria are to be clad in “trad”. Violation of this is to be tagged as mutiny and conspiracy to recolonize the country. Such a person is to be ostracized.

Persons exempt from this law are neighborhood lunatics and local law enforcement officials. Which, if we are being honest sometimes make it difficult to know the difference.

Provision 6: NEPA will take light if it rains

We request that in order to reduce the disappointment and hopefulness levels of the citizens of the republic, an official provision should reflect the following; During a thunderstorm or a drizzle, there will be a sustained power outage, which will only be resolved within 1 hour of the rains’ dissipation.

This law also applies to all areas within a 30km radius of where the rain is actually falling.

Other provisions for due consideration include:

  • Items in the market are worth half the original stated price
  • The official TV station at all banking halls is CNN
  • The freshness of a loaf of bread is to be verified by the act of squeezing said bread.
  • Indicator lights are not valid. One must “trafficate” with their hand or be ignored.

Thank you for taking your time to consider our petition. We are open to your feedback and criticism. The aim is to ensure that the constitution reflects the true nature of “We, the people”. If there are any additions you would like to make do let us know in the comment section below.

Until then, we remain the Ugotalksalot Initiative.

Yours Sincerely,
Princess of no Kingdom

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New Music: Made In Naija 4Runner ft. Semi

Nigerian rapper, 4Runner finally dishes out the official mp3 version to the highly anticipated record celebrating Nigeria and Nigerians.
Made in Naija is an afrobeat record which features Semi Boomba and is produced by Tamuno Belema.
This Afro hip hop record reveals 4runner’s musical style with a bit of influence from the musical icon, Fela.

Enjoy below and don’t forget to share your thoughts.
Twitter & Instagram: @4runner116, @semi_boomba @williambelema

5 Top Events in Lagos to Look Out for in September

September is here! It’s the end of summer aka rainy season in Lagos. Time to cash in on the last of the summer fun. There’s a lot to choose from, whether it is concerts, exhibitions or shows, attend something. Don’t dull yourself this September.

Here, we’ve curated a list of some fun events in Lagos has to offer and highlight all the important information you may need. You’ll also find a list of hotels close to each of the venues in case you want to attend and you are coming from out of town or you just want to rest overnight before jetting back home.

If there’s any event happening this month that we missed,  just let us know in the comment section.

1. Lagos Comic Convention 2017 (COMIC CON17)

Venue: NECA House, Plot 2A, Hakeem Balogun Street, Central Business District, Alausa, Ikeja

Date: September 15 – 16  2017
Time: 9:00 am – 6:00 pm
Ticket price: Free

This one is for all the nerds and comic book lovers out there in Lagos. This is one social event you don’t want to miss.  

The Lagos Comic Convention is more than just comics actually, there will also be animation, film, game and VR exhibits. Prepare to participate in the CosPlay competition with the first prize of N150,000. There will even be a little something for the children at the KidZone which will be a haven for kid-friendly creative workshops, films, and games. The FIST Awards for the best in the comic arts will also be held at the convention. There’s something for whatever secret nerd interest you have.

All play and no work isn’t a great balance, so ComicCon17 is hosting seminars and panel sessions on relevant topics as well.

Entrance is FREE but you can purchase a partnership ticket to enjoy some extra perks. The tickets cost N1000, N3000 and N5000 with different benefits attached.

Hotels Nearby
De Renaissance Hotel
Best Western Hotel, Ikeja
Ostra Hotel
Protea Hotel Select Ikeja

There are several other cheap hotels in Ikeja.

2. The Hangout- For singles of All ages

Venue: Pistis Conference Centre, 1 Elevation/Resurrection Drive , Lekki- Epe Expressway Lagos
Date: September 16, 2017

Time: 10:00 am – 2:00 pm
Tickets: Free

Who says you can’t have fun and keep things clean? The Hangout is going to prove all those people wrong. Get ready to join Fela Durotoye, Godman Akinlabi, Bola Akinlabi, Joy Isa, Yemi Popoola, Meka Olowola and enjoy with music by EBEN.

Prepare to be relaxed and mingle with other single pringles. You would also get the chance to ask your mentors -in the areas of leadership, money, looove and other things- tough and down-to-earth questions.

The event is free but you have to register to save a seat. You can do so here.

Hotels Nearby
Orchid Hotel Lekki
Limeridge Hotel
Sweet Life Home

There are several other cheap hotels in lekki phase 1

3. XTREME LIVE-The Funny Flight

Venue: Muson Centre, Ikoyi
Date: September 17, 2017
Time: From 4:00 pm
Tickets: From N5000

If you like to laugh and you want to laugh on a small budget, you should board this flight. Xtreme Live is a live comedy satire featuring Alibaba, Falz, Kennyblaq, Frank Donga, Owen Gee, Dan D Humorous, Klint-D-Drunk, Skales, Yaw, Orezi, Memory Card, Klintoncod, De Don, Koker, MC Tagwaye (Buhari), Mr. Hyenana and others.

Mark your calendar, you don’t want to miss it.

Hotels Nearby
The George Hotel Ikoyi
Westwood Hotel Ikoyi
Wheatbaker Hotel

There are several other cheap hotels in ikoyi

4. Lagos Fashion 2017

Venue: Plot 1415. Adetokunbo Plot Ademola Street. Victoria Island, Lagos, Nigeria
Date: September 19, 2017 – September 21, 2017
Time: 10:00 am – 6:00 pm
Tickets: Free

Well, all know that Lagos is the fashion capital of Nigeria so this event is definitely warranted. The Lagos Fashion 2017 is a 2-day event being held to showcase products from clothing, cosmetics jewelry, textile, lifestyle and bridal fashion industries in Nigeria.

The major products that will be displayed at the event will include women’s wear,  men’s wear, kid’s wear, knit wear, sports wear, beach wear, lingerie, evening wear, fashion accessories, bags, shoes, and others.

If you are a clothes hog or you just like to look at pretty things on pretty people, this is the event for you.

Hotels Nearby
Beni Gold Hotel
Victoria Crown Plaza Hotel
Blowfish Hotel
Intercontinental Hotel Lagos

There are several other cheap hotels in Victoria Island in you are looking for a good deal.

5. Made In Nigeria Shoe Expo MINSE 3.0

Venue: Ikeja
Date: September 27 – 29, 2017
Time: from 09:30 AM

It’s time for us to #buynigeriantogrownigeria. It’s never a bad time to support our local businesses because a win for them is a win for our economy. The Made In Nigeria Shoe Expo (MINSE) is an annual footwear and leather fair. The first edition of this year held in Abuja, it is now Lagos’ turn to shine. With over 50 exhibitors and brands,  the shoe expo should be a good place to find any time of footwear. Even for those of us with big feet.

In addition to the exhibitions, Special Master classes would be held and cover topics on ranging from business strategy and tips on leather production. So you won’t just be emptying your pockets, you can enrich your mind as well.

Hotels Nearby
Shoregate Hotel
Apartment Royale Hotel and Suites
City View Hotel

There are several other cheap hotels in Ikeja GRA that are easily accessible to the expo ground

Ajebutter vs Danfo: An Ugotalksalot Lagos City Guide

There comes a time in every Ajebutter’s life when you have to realize that uber is not a sustainable lifestyle and your parents and their drivers will not be there to save you from Lagos. I don’t know about you sha, maybe your own Ajebutter is different, but my reality has been checked. I’m now one of them.  Omo ni ile. Daughter of the soil. No bus stop or Danfo driver can gainsay me.

It’s funny when I think only a few years back.  My uncle used to tell me that I need to learn to get around in Lagos.  I was like Nah, I’m not going to be in this country by the time I graduate. LOL! I can imagine God was just looking at me then. Like, see this one.

So yes, I had to figure it out. By fire and by force. It is only by the grace of God that they didn’t announce me as missing on NTA. I would have been doomed because who watches NTA anyways?

I’m a really nice person you know, and I can’t bear to leave you to suffer the way I did. So let me give you a quick run down about what you need to know about public transportation in Lagos. So here are 5 easy and crucial tips to staying sane in Lagos Danfo buses.

 

1.When is the best time to go out by public transportation in Lagos?

Never! There is never a good time brother or sister Ajebutter.  Just put your butter in your front pocket (if you put it in the back pocket, they will steal it) and enter the bus.

Danfo buses are especially annoying in the dry season. You know why? People stink.  Like literally, there’s no number of face masks that can save you.  And no you can not wear a face mask.  Where do you think you are?

The worst thing that can happen during the dry season is if you happen to sit by the door, where the conductor is hanging from.  The way breeze will blow fresh body odour into your nose.  I’m telling you, you eyes will water.  

Oooh but that might actually not be so bad. I once sat down in between two market women. One was carrying this potent smelling dry fish in her laps, the other was fat and sweating and smelled like a wet rag.  Which way would you turn your nose? Up?

Don’t get me wrong. Danfo in the rainy season is just as bad.  Just less smelly.  God bless you, you enter a bus with a leaky roof or windows that don’t close. You might as well just walk in the rain.

I wish I could deliver some good news here, this is the reality.  If you are entering danfo, there’s no silver lining.

2. Prepare to Usain Bolt

chicken runningSo you think that you will stroll to a bus stop, wave your hand and a chariot will arrive in front of you and stairs will be provided for you to climb on.  Please I actually want you to try it and let me know how long people take to laugh at you.

My friend, you better run like your life depends on it.  If you fall down, get back up and keep running.  

Run with sense sha. Because if you fall, the conductor will not stop to tell you sorry. He might even insult you on top.   One time, I was rushing to enter a bus and I tripped into a deep puddle of water. By the time I eventually got into the bus -after staining my white wash jeans- the conductor told me “Omo mommy,  Owo Mi da” meaning “mom’s girl, where’s my money”. This puddle incident brings me to my next tip.

3. Don’t wear any clothes you care about

Celebrity clothingUnless you are not averse to crying in public, wear only absolute rags.  All maybe well, till you get on the chair and a nail rips your clothes.

If you are thinking of going out, slaying in with your face beat and looking glam, don’t.  Don’t do it. Take an uber or stay at home.  If it’s hot, you will sweat all over yourself.  If it’s raining, the rain will sweat all over you.

Seriously, you have been warned.  I can’t tell you how many clothes I’ve lost to this Danfo hustle. Always remember to look at the seat before sit down.  Don’t touch anything you are unsure of.  I’ve sat on shit before.  Not even exaggerating. Real human faeces.

 

4 Don’t just walk the walk, talk the talk

lagos pedestriansYou can also call this part “Danfo etiquette and the Yoruba language” because yes, there’s a certain composure expected of you in the chaotic danfo situation.

First of all, you must remember that danfo bus conductors simple do not have the time to pronounce the name of your bus stop in full.  Don’t expect to hear Oshodi, Jibowu, Ikeja, Mile 12, Eko Hotel or Bar Beach. There are abbrev-ed pronunciations,  no bus stop with more than 4 consonants is pronounced fully.  So prepare your ears for Oshod’, Jibo’, ‘keja, My 12, Onipa’, Eko’otel and Ba’bish.

You also expected to learn Yoruba.  And learn it well. Because the conductor will not ask you any question in English. I mean, you are in Lagos, so you HAVE to learn the language, or die trying. The closest alternative to Yoruba is pidgin and my dear if they speak pidgin to you, you better speak pidgin back, okay? It’s simple etiquette.

This should go without saying, but let me just say it: there is no room for British accents and all that wanna-gonna stuff inside the yellow and black sardine cans.  The one is for your uber driver.  In fact,  keep your interaction with the driver and conditional to a 3 sentences minimum.  All you need to talk about is where you’re going, how much your change is and where you are coming down.  That’s all.  If you wanna have a chit chat, you are gonna be met with a lot of confused stares.

Because I’m so nice, I’ve prepared a few phrases and words you will need to learn. So here you go;

The Danfo bus lexicon

  • Owo da leyin – Because you are seating at the back, your name is now leyin.  Please give the conductor his money.
  • Owo da waju – You are seating in front, your name is now iwaju. Give the conductor his money to avoid quarrel.
  • E bami sumo – Please move your behind to the left corner so another person can squeeze beside you.
  • O wa – Your bus stop is in sight. Shout this loudly, or enjoy a tour of Lagos.
  • O wole – I’m getting into the bus, please match brake
  • O bole – I want to come down and I can not fly, so please match brake
  • Waso – 50 naira

 

5 May your ears rest in peace

Not a fan of loud noises?  Well, you will be tried and tested in these danfo streets.  God bless you, you enter one of those ones that backfire. Ha! Your eardrums will be a distant memory.  

Even if the bus is in top condition, guess what, your bus driver is a Pasuma fan… Or whatever fuji rubbish they’re listening to these days.  If that doesn’t happen, you’ll definitely get the traveling preacher or sales man, pedaling magic in a bottle for 100 naira.  The cure for cancer has been discovered in Lagos and it’s only 500 naira.  

Maybe, just maybe you don’t experience any of this. You will still get to those bus stops where touts are banging doors and breaking side mirrors all in the name of collecting 20 naira.

Make peace with it, you will loose all sense of hearing.

 

Other Tips to Remember

-Keep your 1000 naira at home: Hell hath no fury like a bus conductor presented with a 1000 naira note. If he doesn’t have any change, prepare for any eventuality.  You might find yourself walking on an expressway. Or the conductor will “marry” you with another 1000 naira wielder, go and consummate the union.

– When you are approaching your bus stop,  let the conductor know.  Say it loudly or it will be like rapture.  May you not be left behind.  

-Those fancy looking bus stops with their names on it,  they are merely suggestions. Most buses don’t stop there. Most of them are deserted.  Unless you are just looking for shade,  the real bus stop is usually another 5 minutes walk away from there.

-Stay woke: Never ever sleep in a danfo bus. If you do, you risk missing your bus stop,  losing your possessions and even some body parts.  

 

Let’s talk about Nigeria for a minute

If you have followed my blog for a while you will know that Nigeria is one of my favorite things to write about, and these days it has been very hard to do that. But I want to overcome the difficulty and talk to you about Nigeria.

What have Nigerian politicians done for some of you that you want to kill all of us because of them? Some of you are ready to kill another person because of Nigerian politicians, people you don’t know and don’t know you? Will it kill you to admit that Jonathan was a terrible president and that Buhari, is equally as terrible?  Will you die if you admit that APC is just as selfish and evil as PDP?

Even if you can’t admit it in public because of your over-inflated ego, surely you can do that in private?  Surely you can lock yourself up in your room and admit that this country is not working. We have been in a recession for so long that recession jokes have all become dry. Surely somewhere in your heart you know that whether you believe in APC or PDP, Nigeria is not working.

These things are fact, these things are crystal clear but instead of us to work together we are bickering over politicians who do nothing for us.

As at the writing of this, there has been 226 days in 2017 and President Buhari has spent at least 152 days in the UK. As far as 2017 is concerned our president is closer to a being a British citizen than he is to being a Nigerian citizen not to talk of Nigerian president. In that time, the economy has remained in the same toilet Buhari left it in, Nnamdi Kanu, first of his name, has gained enough man power to  start an actual army down south, Boko Haram are back like they never left up north and then ASUU unleashes a mass population of idle youths into a very chaotic scene. There is not much room for excitement to be honest and it is very depressing when you think about it.

I am not trying to scare you but I need you to know that, cliche and banter aside, Nigeria is falling apart and very soon something will give. We as Nigerians are standing in a room filled with gas and instead of looking for a way out we are hoping and praying nothing ignites a spark. We will not survive like this much longer, even if we do make it passed Boko Haram, a failing economy and Nnamdi Kanu in one piece, oil is going away and it’s never coming back, our population is exploding and there will be even less opportunities than there are now.

I want you to know that your children and my children will grow up in a Nigeria that is much tougher than it is now unless we stop that from happening and we are running out of time.

If you don’t know what to do to make a big difference, start from the little things. Vote for your conscience, vote for the man or woman with the best plan even if they don’t have a political party with huge cash. Follow the activities of your state governor, your state legislature, the national assembly, ask them questions, do not compromise your integrity and if you have none, get some. Keep your loyalty for your conscience and not any politician or political party. Don’t keep quiet, let your voice be heard, don’t let sincere ignorance stand and don’t suffer fools. Let your presence be felt.

Nigeria may have done nothing for you but she needs you. She needs you more than she knows it. Stay safe, stay smart, stay woke.

 

Don’t forget to comment, subscribe to my blog and the YouTube Channel

 

New To Lagos? Here Are The Top 10 Hotels in Ikeja that Count

Value for Money: Top 10 Hotel’s in Ikeja that Count

Sheraton ikeja

Ikeja is the capital of Lagos State and a haven for fun spots in the state. Whether you are a business or leisure visitor, in Ikeja, there is no dull moment. From branches of multinational companies to entertainment centres like Fela’s Afrika Shrine and Ikeja City Mall, you are to find things that will captivate your imagination. As a first time visitor or regular traveller, you do not have to worry about finding a suitable accommodation. Ikeja is home to some of Lagos’ finest hotels and we have made a list of such hotels that offer you the best value for your money.

1. Sheraton Lagos Hotel

30 Mobolaji Bank Anthony Way, 21189 Airport Road

There are only a few 5-star hotels in the country and Sheraton Hotel is one of them. A favourite accommodation choice for the elite, expect only world class treatment at this hotel.

The rooms at Sheraton Lagos Hotel are very spacious and modern. Each room features excellent bedding and large TV panels that make you feel like you are at your very own private theatre, making movie watching a delight. Each room has a dedicated electric kettle, coffee machine, and hair dryers. You can make requests for extra towels if you are so inclined.

Enjoy exquisite meals and assorted drinks at any of the hotel’s 4 restaurants and bars including the Goodies Pub, La Giara, Terrace Bar, and the Crock Pot. Each of the restaurants specialises in a type of cuisine from Nigerian to Italian delicacies. There are no worries about running out of cash as there is an ATM on the hotel ground.

You can also book the club room that offers you complimentary access to the Sheraton Club Lounge, a special TV viewing area, newspapers, and periodicals, and drink vouchers. Workshops and international conferences can also be hosted at the hotel. Sheraton is situated close to Murtala Muhammed International Airport making it easily accessible to travellers and quite convenient for those making a quick transit through Lagos.

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2. Blue Spring Hotel

34B Remi Fani Kayode Avenue, GRA Ikeja

Blue spring hotel

Many guests testify the peaceful ambience of the Blue Spring Hotel is its major selling point. Though it is located in a busy part of town, once you arrive at the hotel premises, the hum of the city quietens. But that is not all, it is just the beginning of a wonderful stay at the hotel.

The hotel boasts large rooms, neat beddings, spotless bathrooms, clean furniture, and a fast internet connection, just ask anyone who has ever stayed there. Here is what one customer had to say about the internet services;

I really enjoyed my stay at the hotel, the internet was very strong and it made very easy to surf the web with one click pages opened on my electronic devices.

Previous guests of this hotel also attest to its 24 hours supply of power. Travellers would appreciate its nearness to the Murtala Muhammed International Airport and the ease of locating the hotel. The staff is also known for their prompt attention to enquiries. Complimentary services include adequate parking arrangements and top notch security. Book a room at Blue Spring Hotel and obtain good value for your money in quality service and good location.

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3. De Renaissance Hotel

172, Obafemi Awolowo Way, Alausa, Ikeja

Whether it is your first time or your nth time at the De Renaissance Hotel, the treatment is the same. It will meet all expectations you come with, regardless of if your room was pre-booked or gotten last minute. Here, the rooms are very neat and easy on the eyes, with simple yet beautiful interior decorations.

The hotel is particularly close to the Murtala Muhammed International Airport, and other locations like Kalakuta Republic Museum, 5 minutes walking distance to the Ikeja Shopping Mall, and a few minutes to other locations like Calabar Kitchen and Domino’s Piza. More reserved guests will also find this hotel particularly impressive for exclusive services like cushioned outdoor sit-out and in-house dining services. De Renaissance Hotel serves its guests with complimentary snacks and fruits. The hotel’s parking spaces are ample and can accommodate many cars at a time. Guests do not have to worry about the safety of their cars.

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4. Hotel Ibis Hotel Ikeja

23 Toyin Street, Ikeja, Lagos

Have all your lodging needs met on your first stay at Hotel Ibis and be sure to return for another wonderful experience. All the rooms come with fully functioning air conditioners, as well as a constant supply of electricity. Many customers particularly enjoyed staying at Hotel Ibis for its location in GRA, the highbrow area of Ikeja and its proximity to many places of interest.

Checking in at the hotel is seamlessly done as you will find that the hotel staff are friendly, hospitable, and polite. On getting to your room, you will find a coffee machine for your personal use. The ensuite bathrooms have showers and hairdryers. You do not have to worry about cash as there is an ATM on the hotel premises.

Are you a nursing mother or someone in need of special care? This hotel is just for you as there are babysitting services in place, as well as facilities for people with disabilities. You can also relax at the crystal blue-coloured swimming pool. The hotel restaurant serves exquisite buffet breakfast with wide choice of cuisine.

Fun places close to the hotel include Kalakuta Museum, Ikeja City Mall and Dominos Pizza, a visit to any of these is always a nice way to end your beautiful stay at the hotel. A shuttle to and from the airport is also available on request.

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5. Westown Hotel

7, Sheraton-Opebi Link Road, Ikeja

Surrounded by leisure and recreational spots, and a 10-minute drive from the Lagos airport, Westown Hotel is a delightful 4-star accommodation. Whether you are a local or an international guest, you will find that Westown Hotel has something for every taste.

Check-in is swift and effortless for both pre-booked and emergency guests. The hotel offers you great service, warm ambience, and beautiful rooms. Some of the rooms, like the Diplomatic Suite, consisting of a large private lounge, a secretary’s office, and a mini bar.

As a guest at the Westown Hotel, you get to enjoy free breakfasts, as well as a 24-hour restaurant that serves African and continental dishes. The hotel’s rooftop restaurant is especially known for its delicious Thai/Chinese cuisine. Take soothing dips at the rooftop swimming pool and relax at the rooftop bar with glasses of any of the available variety of beverages.

Have a swell time by visiting interesting places near Westown Hotel including the Muson Centre, National Museum, Ikeja Golf Course, and Ikeja City Mall.

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6. Shoregate Hotel

29 Joel Ogunnaike, GRA, Ikeja

Shoregate Hotel is one of the best-rated hotels in Ikeja; most of the customers are known to get full value for their money whenever they come. The staff at Shoregate hotel are also very welcoming and willing to go the extra mile in helping guests on arrival. The rooms are fitted with all the necessities to give you comfort including work tables and chairs. A previous guest likened the bedding “…to that of Premier Inn, London”. The bathrooms are pleasant and private toilets never run of toiletries. The hotel also offers an impressive breakfast buffet, with lots of variety to choose from.

Relax and let your skin come in contact with the natural breeze from the large rooftop space specially reserved for relaxation and to allow guests have an amazing view of the city. You can also request for exclusive services at the 24-hour service desk including car hire services to take you around the city. Places you can visit include the Ikeja Golf Club and Sparkle Hall.

7. Best Western Starfire Hotel

Best Western starfire hotel

Best Western Starfire Hotel welcomes you with its lush greenery and buoyant horticulture, as well as a warm and hospitable reception from its staff. On the rare occasion that you have a complaint about a particular room, a staff is always available to check you into a better fitting room. Previous customers love the cozy, spacious, and clean rooms, as well as the overall security of the premises. The quiet ambience of the environment allows guests the chance for maximum relaxation and a getaway from all the stress.

The hotel is well situated in the highbrow area of Ikeja and only a few minutes from the Lagos international airport. There are a variety of sights you can visit during your stay at Best Western Starfire Hotel including Ikeja Shopping Mall, National Theatre Lagos, and National Museum.

8. Apartment Royale Hotel

4 Wole Ogunjimi Street Off Agbaoku Street

Apartment Royale Hotel-hotels.ng

The rooms are beautifully decorated and fitted with all the necessary appliances and furniture. The wireless internet is quite fast and surfing the web on your mobile devices gets better. The parking space is ample and enough to house a lot of cars at a time. Previous guests at the hotel love the delicious and yet affordable meals served at the hotel restaurant. One guest sums up his stay at the hotel thus;

“My stay at the Apartment Royale Hotel And Suites was really awesome. I tour around hotels a lot and trust me Apartment Royale Hotel And Suite has the best customer service, they welcomed me warmly and so intelligently. They have nice rooms, nice meals, awesome water and power supply. I’m looking forward to going back there soon.”

Getting around the Ikeja metropolis from the hotel is easy. There are cabs outside the hotel to take you to anywhere you want to go. Popular spots for relaxation and entertainment include The Place, Coldstone Creamery, KFC, and Ikeja Shopping Mall.

9. Swiss Cottage Suites

18 Sunday Adigun Street, Alausa

a hotel room-hotels.ng

Swiss Cottage Suites is strategically located in the centre of the city. It is just a 2-minute drive to the State Government Secretariat and a 2-minutes walk to the Ikeja City Mall, a delight for heavy shoppers. The overall service to guests is impeccable. The rooms feel like an extension of home – spacious and beautiful, each featuring fully functioning air conditioners. Some contain VIP room facilities. Guests have full control of which channels to watch on the Cable TV from a variety of choices.

Places of interest you can visit near Swiss Cottage Suites include Lagos State Digital Village, New Afrikan Shrine, National Art Theatre, and Iga Idungaran-OBA of Lagos Palace.

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10. Glonik Hotels

118/120 Adeniyi Jones Avenue, Ikeja

a hotel room - hotels.ngThis is a luxurious hotel and one of the best-rated hotels in Ikeja. It offers you maximum value for your money. It is also the ideal destination for tourists. This is because Glonik Hotels offers tour packages that include guiding you and other tourists to several places of interest in the city, and occasionally outside Lagos. They allow you make choices by offering you an itinerary of interesting natural attractions.

The hotel also arranges free airport shuffle for international travellers. And even if you are not coming in from outside the country, the hotel is situated in an easy-to-find location. Check-in is also seamless. Entertain yourself with fun visits to the Kalakuta Museum and Ikeja City Mall.

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Stay; A short film

Watch the teaser for Stay, a short film by Ayomide Adeleke. A terrible incident leaves Femi, played by Baaj Adebule haunted and he will do anything to get his life back. The film also stars Diana Eguwatu and Shalewa Ashafa. Stay was written by Ayomide Adeleke and it is also his directorial debut.

Adulting is hard: 5 things no one ever tells you about adulting

Good day Ladies and Gentlemen,
How has life been? Good? Well me too sha, I’m fine.. But not entirely. I’ve only been adulting for like two minutes now and I’m already tired. I miss those primary school days when we used to buy fan lolli for N20 and the mallam would cut it into 2 with scissors.

You spend all your life literally looking up at adults and saying, me too, ama be like that one day. Talking bout whe I  grow up, this, when I grow up, that. Little did you know that you were swearing for yourself. If you could take it back now, wouldn’t you rather be in primary 1 reciting your two times table?

You know adults are actually wicked. They teach you to walk and talk. They tell you to read your books, pass your exams and become successful. They buy you nice things when you get 1st position in class or take you out for ice cream when you make them proud. But never do they ever warn you about the danger ahead.

*CHILDREN BEWARE: ADULTING IS HARD*

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But no, for real, I can’t think of anything as evil as the conspiracy to trick all humanity into embracing adulthood. I mean, whose idea was it? I’m only asking for a friend. There are so many things I wish I had known on time. Maybe I would have stopped growing. But now it’s too late.
Here’s a terrifying list of things about adulting that no one ever told you. In descending order of “horrificness”.

5. All your first position and first class, is pure water.

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The only other thing Nigeria parents always say, apart from “you cannot greet abi? “, is make sure you get first position or make sure you carry first class. Or the savage version “the people that have a 5.0 gpa, do they have two heads?”

So if you are like me, and you were hitting above average scores throughout your academic career, you graduated hoping that you would just manage small, and get a good job with your slightly-above-mediocre grades. But alas, no one if it matters.

At my current work place sef, they never asked me for my CV, talkless of my GPA. I’m just imagining, if I had joined those two headed people, and carried the scores of everyone in the class, by now I would be upset with life. Even if my colleagues are first class graduates, and we are earning the same peanuts together.

So I mean, if you haven’t graduated yet and you’re killing yourself over best graduating student, my advice is to relax your navz. You go dey alright.

This is Nigeria, we will all look for the jobs together, only for the politicians’ children to take it from us. Besiiiides, you are 99% not likely to use that your rubbish certificate anyways. You will wake up one morning and someone will say they are looking for ushers, social media managers or something any basic human being can quickly learn. Then, before you know it, that is your career. So no need to grow two heads.

4. The weekend is a what? A scam

So you go to work 5 days a week. For some of us, 6 days. The weekdays are so designed to having you anticipating a non-existent break.

You know what I mean. This is the way a typical week goes;
Mooooooooooooondaaaay
Tueeeeeeeeeeesdaaay
Wednesdaaaay
Thursday
Friyay!
Sat*blink*Sun
Mooooooooooooondaaaay

You will sit at that your office desk, dreaming of your turn up and weekend enjoyment, only to end up looking for sleep half the time. Me, I spend most of the weekend catching up on chores. And cooking!

As you lay your head to siesta on Sunday afternoon, just forget it, the next reality you will wake up to is you getting dressed for work and entering back into the madness.

3. Uncles and Aunties stop giving you money to buy fanta

images-4The greatest joy of my childhood was those times someone would come to visit my family in our house. Those visits were tedious. They would send you up and down; go and buy drinks for your visitors, fry prawn crackers, serve the food, present yourself as a responsible child, give them your sweat and blood. It was a lot of stress, but it always paid in the end.

Somewhere between when the guests get up from their seats and when they leave your house, they would reach into their pockets and bring out “money for sweet or Fanta” and discreetly place it in your hands.

I used to have this uncle that always gave me 2,000 naira in 20 naira notes. Those days when 20 naira was paper not polymer. Looking like Benjamins. I’d sit seriously and be counting my fortune in excitement.

But now, this same uncle… What does he do everytime he’s leaving after a visit? He smiles at me and says “..ah Princess, when will you be inviting us to eat party rice? That your bride price, me and your daddy will share it oh!”
Please sir, how does that one affect my account balance?

2.There is no holiday

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You go to school and study and write exams and go on holiday abi? So when you are suffering at least you know there’s enjoyment around the corner. But then imagine that you had to write exams everyday, for the rest of your life, without a course outline, or anyone teaching, without a break to look forward to.

That my friends, is adulthood.

There’s no summer break, no Christmas break, no mid term. It never goes off. “The school of life” is constantly in session. 366 days 24/7, till the day you die, you will continue to adult.
If you like, go on leave, or take whatever break, fall into a coma. When you open your eyes, adulting will be waiting for you.
It only gets worse as the time goes on.

1.You have to spend your own money

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I think the greatest shock for me was having to buy my birthday things with my own money. Like… no break? Even on my birthday?
For real, adulting has taught me to dream within my budget. Can’t be thinking about frivolous things like Chinese food, new clothes and random uncalled for dashing of money to professional beggars in the street. Even single 10 naira comes from your account.

Those days we used to scam our parents and collect money for “handouts”, “excursions” and “convocation dues”, loooong gone. If you ask my father for money now, he will remind you of the cost of your 16 years of education plus inflation. Before you get that money, you will sign an undertaking that states that you are a child and will hereby be treated as such. (Daddy, if you read this I’m exaggerating oh. Biko).

You know you are an adult when 10 naira debit alert in the name of “card maintenance” annoys the hell out of you. Like do these banks think we pluck money from trees?

Me that has been saving money for a new phone for so long. But every month, one thing or the other would come up and my akant would just be giving me side eye. It’s the same me that access bank is collecting 200 naira from every month. Isn’t that wickedness?

Worse still, you are no longer entitled to student discount at the cinema. That 500 naira you would have used to buy popcorn. They will make sure they collect it from you. If you are like me, you’ll sneak in 80 naira bottled water from Shoprite into the theatre. Drink that one and dey alright.

If you’re reading this and you haven’t started adulting yet, please take it from me, stay in school kid.

The time I was mistaken for a kidnapper

I left the office a few minutes later than I usually do, there had been a few mistakes in some of the contents I created and I had to fix them before leaving. 

As I stepped out of my office compound, I tried to hail down a keke that would take me to a junction from where I could easily walk home. A keke without passengers breezed by me, too fast for me to signal the driver, a second followed immediately after but I hailed down a third. 

I hurriedly entered and brushed my knee in the process, it sent a sharp but quick pain through my body. I thought to myself that if I were ever  in a keke accident, I would probably lose both my legs. Good thing God watches over me. The keke began moving and I plugged earphones in. 

The keke driver took a longer route, hoping he would find more passengers going to my stop, his gambled payed off when two men a few feet from each other both hailed us down. Despite the fact we were two at the back and not the usual three, one of the men opted to take the very uncomfortable front seat, which is essentially part of the drivers seat. 

The driver started moving again and in a few minutes a woman, on the other side of the road, hailed us down again. She was in a very dark green skirt suit, handbag in one hand and a polythene bag in the other. The driver yelled the direction he was going as he slowed down and the woman nodded in the affirmative.  

Initially, I was seating in the middle of the keke but I had scooted towards the right when we picked up the two men and since I was the one facing the other side of the road the natural thing for me to do was to scoot to the middle so the woman could enter. I decided to wait till she approached but instead of coming towards my side, she walked behind the keke and to the left. 

The guy sitting at the left was buff, his muscles weren’t huge, but he was tall and ripped enough to be intimidating even without his beard. So when he stepped out from the keke and motioned for the woman to go sit in the middle, she was taken aback. I could read the worry and cautiousness on her face, it was unmistakable. She took a step back and the man realising the impression he’d made offered to sit in the middle but it was too late. She walked towards the right side of the keke and then back across the road and signaled the driver to go. 

He yelled at her to come back, which wouldn’t have helped much anyway and when she ignored him he took off. 
I spent the rest of the keke ride trying to understand what was going on in this woman’s head? To be honest, I was wondering whether she thought I was a kidnapper, why didn’t she just come to my side of the keke to start with. Did I look that scary I wonder. 

It’s easy now to think about how suspicious four men in a keke motioning a woman to sit in the middle is. I’m probably sure she would be sharing the testimony of how God rescued her sometime soon. 

Addicted To The Glam

I am confused and this is why.

Over the weekend TapJets, a US private jet charter service, released a statement accusing Dammy Krane of using a stolen credit card to hire one of their jets. They also promised to prosecute him to the full extent of the law.

 

If Dammy Krane is convicted, I’m sure one of the questions he would be asking himself is why he didn’t fly first class. In his mind is he thinking first class is no longer a big boy stuff? This whole situation got me asking myself some questions. Why are people addicted to some lifestyle we can’t really afford? Who are we really trying to impress and why?

Celebrities living above their means is not news and for the life of me I can’t understand why? Flashing money has never gotten anyone a hit song or a blockbuster movie. The best it does is to keep you in the headlines long enough for you to eventually get arrested or steal a picture of someone’s dogs. It’s not like we have paparazzi chasing down celebs like there’s no tomorrow. No Nigerian entertainment journalist or photographer is paid well enough to bother. Like have you seen our entertainment journalists? They have more important things to do abeg.

And that’s the funny thing to me, nobody cares if celebs drive a sedan or a land cruiser, no one gives a damn if they live in Lekki or Surulere. No one. The only people that care are those that want money from them and armed robbers picking targets. If you are reading this and you care but claim you are neither a beggar nor an armed robber, clearly you need to think about your life, just go and look at yourself in a mirror because all is not well.

This is not just a celebrity problem, it affects regular people as well. I have nothing against wanting to send your kids to the best schools, but there is an issue when you want to send your kids to a school that you know, you and your spouse and your extended family combined cannot afford. It’s a dangerous thing to live above your means. What if there is a sudden need for cash? A health emergency or a surprise bill?

And those of you guys that are dating someone and you can’t tell them when you’re cash strapped so, you take your babe to mad restaurants and eat garri like crazy. I’m here for you. Mscheeew. What’s worse is that you borrowed that garri ahead of time because you already knew stupidity was following you. Then you will now post the picture of the restaurant on Instagram but forget to add the garri. Can we all please respect ourselves, this adulting thing is hard enough without you your no-garri-eating Instagram photos putting pressure on us to be great. Some of us will actually like to get through this come-up phase with all our marbles intact.

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Introverted Talkatives Talking and Ranting A lot